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Post by Hikaru on Jul 30, 2009 3:56:20 GMT -5
I am trying to handle everything. The world has changed so much since I was last out... everything is so.. different. The clothing, dances, music. Even the people. It's hard to figure out where to begin...
I have made so many different ... friends... since arriving here. Xeandra found me after my Master attempted to save me. I do not think she knew what she was doing when she did it. Freeing me... It had been so long since I had been out in the world. Since my master took me from the rectory... made me into what I am.. no.. was.
Now... I am different. I have friends.. and more than I had dared to dream again...
I care for so many now... I really thought this was impossible for me. Jaslene... Nikul... Jade... even Shizukiyo... though now it seems they are pulling back... or I am...
Yeah. I am. Because of what happened a few weeks ago. We all drank Sweet Xtacy and... everything was great... amazing. Now though.. It seems like every one is pairing off. For a while I was feeling a bit.. left out.
Now Xeandra is wanting something from me... I don't know what.
And Aydryan... I don't know where to begin about him. I'm drawn to him... what I feel for him it's... too intense for words. He scares me... or rather, how I feel about him scares me. Too close to what I felt with Lucah perhaps, yet so very different. So very... VERY different.
Though one thing bothers me a bit... Ra.. keeps calling him... EVERY time we start to get close... Maybe I'm suicidal but... I have the urge to grab his phone the next time and tell Ra to call back later. Yeah... definitely suicidal...
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Post by Hikaru on Jul 31, 2009 19:05:05 GMT -5
Aydryan took me to his room last night. Wanted to show me something... I didn't expect... no.. I kind of did. I knew my old master would find me if she could. I had hoped she was dead... I was wrong. Aydryan went to St. Louis.. he brought back the painting. The one she had done after.. Lucah. It was her reminder to me, who and what I was. She's looking for me now....
Aydryan destroyed the painting... but there are others out there. I don't think that she will give up.
Aydryan said we could run... that he would protect me.. kill her if he can. I tried to tell him how I feel... I hope he understands it... no.. I pray he does...
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Post by Hikaru on Aug 3, 2009 6:40:08 GMT -5
Last night I asked Aydryan to dance...
I have to admit I forgot everything, save for him and myself moving... Forgot my master searching for me, my past... everything but him. The movement of our bodies was... intoxicating. I had forgotten why I loved to dance.. till then. We went back to his room and... I'm not one to speak of the things we did, I won't write it down here but to say that I will cherish the small aches and pains that I now have... as long as they last.
Ra contacted him later this evening... Sending him out to another town, another errand. I hope he's not mad that we forgot our cellphones in the bar.
After Aydryan left... the cravings returned... I took a smaller.. dose this time of both, I am trying to wean myself of these damned drugs but.. it's hard. The drugs take a hold of me and I... go.. passive. I hate it.
I took a walk in the woods like I always do right after, not really paying attention to anything. I realized too late that Nikul was nearby talking to someone as I relaxed under a tree. I think he suspects... Gage came up and saw something too. Asked me if I had taken anything... I panicked. Nikul reached out to me and I.. as Gage put it... freaked out. It was just too close... to when Jakob reached out to help me when I was surrounded... he reached out to me and offered to help.. then... helped them instead.. holding me down.
Being surrounded by Gage and Nikul, and a human girl... scared me.. reminded me too much of it... and I.. hurt Nikul's feelings. He doesn't understand where I come from... then again... I do not understand him either really.
I showed him Chelle's grandmother's house... the one on the outskirts of town. He likes it. Maybe he and Tristan can come up with an agreement or something.
I had to go to check on the bar, grabbed my cellphone. The town seemed dead tonight. Memories were too close to the surface for me perhaps... I don't know.
I went to ask Nikul if he could paint me a picture... of Lucah... should have been so simple.. so. easy... He agreed and I tried to show him what Lucah looked like... God forgive me... I can't even control my gift that much. It went horribly wrong. He saw Lucah.. but we both relived every memory I have of him too... including his.. death. (Pinkish spots start decorating the page and the writing becomes more of a scrawling and partially illegible)
I'm trying so hard to not... to be... decent... be.. for lack of a better term.. good...
(a few more lines of illegible scrawling)
I can't.
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Post by Hikaru on Aug 10, 2009 7:50:46 GMT -5
I had to get my journal out of that room. I looked around the room, wandered upstairs. My memories haunt me wherever I go. They have become a constant ache. I find myself trying to keep busy to avoid them. I have been shielding as best I can, keeping the memories to myself. No one needs to know the horrors I relive on a daily basis.
The only place I have that holds any peace for me is a room that isn't mine, in Aydryan's arms. When I am with him my memories fall away and I can relax, be myself. I worry at times if I am enough for him, doing enough, giving him as much as he wants of me. For now, I am content to lay against him all night long and never leave his room.
The other night when Tristan fought Xeandra, I carried her home, tried to ease her pain. I eased it too well, got caught up in the moment... the whole time Aydryan was there, hovering in my mind. I wonder if he would be mad, think less of me if he knew. I will have to tell him I suppose... eventually. I am grateful for one thing however. That Aydryan made me promise to not take the drugs anymore. If I had had them in my system... I'm not sure if I could have resisted her.
I owe a great deal to so many people, I don't know how to repay them. Jaslene was one of the first to accept me as I was. I see her and Jaysen growing closer together and I'm happy for them. I hope they find that piece of happiness that we search our whole lives for, and rarely find.
Jade is finding her place in the pack, already Freki after her first full moon. I told her about my addiction, and warned her about my old Master. She has offered her help as much as she can, she is truly a great friend to have by your side when things get bad.
Nikul... I am.. tentative about. I told him as well about the drugs, but he did not seem to understand. I do no blame him for it at all, I don't blame anyone, because no one could have known. He and I do not seem to understand each other, and even through that we have our feelings for each other, it's frustrating.
Through all this there is Aydryan. Aydryan has placed his hand over a hole in my heart I never thought would be filled again. There are times that I long to say the words that would tell him how I feel, but those words are cursed to me now. He has held my hand through the past few days, caring for me as i purged the drugs from my system. I remember little of those days, thankfully, save one thing.
As I lay there shivering, pain wracking my body in ways my master could not have conceived, I begged him to kill me. I will never forget the look on his face. That look will haunt me now as well, but for different reasons. That scared, pained, and heartbreaking face he made as he considered the thought of losing me will keep me alive.
I have decided to live, if not for myself, then to stay with Aydryan as long as he will have me.
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Post by Hikaru on Aug 21, 2009 4:42:02 GMT -5
Aydryan told me the other day that She is coming for me. Coming to Wood Bourne... to take me back. He was adamant that he would not allow it. He would kill her first. I... don't think I can allow that...
We spend our time lately in our room, the one I built for us. I value that time with him... Tonight he was gone. A quick errand before she comes... I couldn't stay there alone. It is easier somehow, after what we did by accident... I do not even know what we did. I caught myself doing something strange... I went to the Blue Lounge, after picking up a piece of wood from the woods and made myself a drink. It wasn't until I was halfway through it that I realized that it was a Blisskey. I don't drink... alcohol... really. It's what Aydryan drinks... there is more... its almost like we are truly in tune with one another now.
We have a plan... something we thought of right before this.. connection happened. I really hope this works. If it doesn't... I know someone is going to die.
I know the people she will most likely bring with her. Silvaria, her naga pet, devoted to her worse than any zealot. Krix... he enjoys his pain like no other, to such an extent that it makes even me shudder. And then there is her Human Servant... His name has never been spoken in my presence.. but he enjoys dealing out pain as much as Krix does receiving it.
I'm feeling something new now... an anger that is unreconciled. They are coming to tear me from the my friends, the home I have made with my own two hands, my home with Aydryan... take me from Aydryan... No. If this plan does not work.. maybe I will kill her myself. Damn the consequences. I'm not leaving him.
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Post by Hikaru on Sept 2, 2009 14:53:37 GMT -5
My Master... My Maker... Is dead. I watched Ra rip her heart out of her chest and felt... nothing. Well.. i felt something but.. I'm not going to say it. I have made my peace with God.
Silvaria is the only one still alive. After everything calmed down.. I went down to her cage and spoke to her. I understand now that Lucah was a twin. It still hurt though. For now I think Silvaria is relegated to the small cage. Ra will decide what happens to her.
Aydryan has done so much to heal my wounds, I think we have found a happy place, a home together. For once, with Apollymi dead, I can.. relax.. really relax. I have hopes.. and dreams for our future. The only concern I have is for the others, still up there. I know she has left them in someone's care but... Some of the others are worse with no one to control them.
I haven't told anyone yet... I don't know if it will work, if I will pass the tests... I have faith.. to me that is all that counts. I take my final test tonight. An Emissary from the church is coming to test me, and to see the church. I still have to put in the confessional. I'm not sure how Ayd will react to the news... I want it to be a surprise of sorts.
As I left the Church tonight I noticed that Jade's windows were broken. When I got there I found two shifters unconscious. Jade has been taken by.. from the description of the man it is the same one that took me.. gave me my scars. I do not blame him, not for my scars... truth is.. he was done with me... and he tripped. But if he harms even one hair on Jade's head... he hates religion.. he better learn to love it.. because only God will be able to forgive him.
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Post by Hikaru on Sept 4, 2009 20:27:44 GMT -5
It seems there is not a single day that goes by without some form of crisis or emergency. Sometimes I wonder if the good things will be swallowed up by the bad. Eventually I know that things will calm down, there wont be emergency after another... and we can all relax.
There is a kracken in the lake, Jaslene, Jaysen, Emmalee, and Jade are all missing... we are very sure that the one that took me and gave me my scars took them too. The race is on before he can do anything too.. damaging.
Rameaus sent Aydryan out alone to other towns trying to find anything on the Dr or the Clinic or where they may be... I worry for them all. No one is to go anywhere alone now, and yet I see so many alone, including myself.
I have been working on the Church to keep myself busy while Aydryan is away. Cleaning the place is a big job, so is fixing the pews, several were broken. I have removed the vestibule, along with any holy objects... the place was unconsecrated so even had I been a normal vampire... they would not have affected me.
The Emissary came, I passed everything with him, he said he was very impressed with me and the fact that I could hold my faith through everything I have lived through. He was more impressed that I could stand before his own blessed cross and have it not flare to life. Impressions are interesting things. As a result of his impression of me he has granted me the title of Reverend Father.
Reverend Father... a title that can take years of faith, conservation, and prayer to attain... right away. I hope that I can live up to the title.
The church will be nondenominational, everyone will be allowed within it's walls. I also plan on offering the usage of the building as a town meeting place as well.
It is a safe place. Sacred to those that see it that way. I will not turn away anyone, no matter their sins. After all, I have my own.
I miss Aydryan so much... and yet, I still feel him in my head. A constant thing. Maybe he has wound his way into my heart so much to cause this. I don't know. I suppose it does not matter what caused this to happen as much as how it affects us. When we are together it is... amazing. He has done so much, healed so much of my wounds.
I went to the Doctor to get the stitches removed from my back. She said that there may be a possibility of removing the Holy water scars that now decorate over half my body. She brought in a specialist to see me. He thinks the same thing. Though the procedure would be very... taxing and painful. Removing the top five layers of dermis is just a fancy way of saying skinning. I plan on talking to Aydryan about this when he returns, since, he would be sharing the pain of it through our bond. I am in no rush other than to have him back.
I really should get back to cleaning this church, there is so much more work to do.
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Post by Hikaru on Oct 17, 2009 1:24:32 GMT -5
The church is dark tonight, echoing something I am feeling is coming perhaps. So much good has happened lately, I see people helping one another more and more and it brings a smile to my face, though tonight I cannot bring a smile to my lips. so much has happened since I last wrote, that I will not read what lays on the previous pages, but start anew.
My sins are obvious to those that know me, or knew me before a few weeks ago. The scars that decorated over half my body are now almost entirely gone. The surgery that I went through... successful. I leave the scars on my face and manhood as reminders for now. They remind me that I am not able to overcome everything, beauty is not eternal. The pain we went through was extensive and has changed me somehow, sated Aydryan's hunger for it a bit I believe. I am not sure. I feel a part of me regretting it, seeing it as a sin of vanity. My skin is soft and supple as a new born babe's, and has changed color as well.
Several nights ago, I had something happen to me that had never happened before. I felt the hunger twice in one night. The first, a young man who openly offered, the second a woman coming off her shift at the general store. For the first time since my creation I fed until I could not feed any more. I took her to her home and made sure she was safe, but, when I looked to my own arms they had changed, darkened. I felt a fear that I had no known in a long time and rushed home. My skin is the same color it was when I was human and more sensitive than i can ever remember it being. I have to admit in my confusion and fear I, for a time, thought somehow I had become human again.
Aydryan and I have become closer lately, something about that night, or maybe just ourselves is drawing us closer in all ways. I do not know what is the reasoning for this, or how it is happening. Our minds are drawing closer, we hear each others thoughts, full and complete from time to time, images of his drift to my mind occasionally. I believe that if I were to know every part of him I would still not grow tired of him. With him I am as content to sit next to each other reading, as to spend a night under the sheets in our bed. And now together we will be Masters of the City.
Part of this frightens me. I know that any in this position ask themselves the same things I now query myself. Am I strong enough? Can I rule... though I hate that word... over the kiss effectively? I have self doubt, and in a way a worry of doubt for Aydryan as well. We are both so young as vampires, though myself considerably more. I can only do my best, help those I can, try to guide them as they need. I do not even know my own bloodline, thought Aydryan is of the Dragon. And I am forced to realize so much of myself. I know so little, and the Kiss will expect so much. I worry about so many things it seems lately. Especially since Rameaus told Aydryan and I of our future... status.
I know there may be those that are against us, or have their own designs on who should take over. We may be challenged several times after Rameaus, Chelle, Aurora, Nereida, and the others leave. I am concerned for Nikul as well. I have no complaints about him being the second in command, and highly confused as to why he was... passed over for the Master of the City position. But I have faith in Rameaus's decision, even if I am feeling a bit of.. trepidation over it.
And now...
Jaslene told me an incredible story last night. A demon came to her, attacked her. I would have thought some other reason for her story if I had not felt the Evil in the jail after it was broken into. I am beginning to make preparations to the church, contemplating consecrating it, and finding a further faith of my own, even as my faith in myself waivers.
Aydryan is as disturbed as I am over the presence we felt in the jail. Goose was thankfully unharmed by the creature, left in his cell with the door ripped off. They have since moved him to a more secure cell, and I hope it keeps him safe.
For now I must prepare and wait, keep my eyes and ears open.
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Post by Hikaru on Nov 9, 2009 13:35:35 GMT -5
Now I know what it means to be in the face of evil, true evil. I have seen the demon twice now. The first time an unholy plague of insects devoured the people on the street, so many of them that they blacked out the upper windows of Sanctuary. We had holed up there trying to hide from the creatures. After they left, Aydryan and myself ran up onto the roof to get to the street and help the wounded and IT was up there. I was close enough to be able to describe it in detail here, but I would rather not. We stood against the demon and as a result, it tore out Aydryan's eye... then ate it. The pain of that was not as bad as watching him go through the aftermath. Healing his body was easy, though I doubt the eye can ever be replaced or regrown. The hard part was his emotions, his unease. I know he felt how I did, damaged, malformed... worthless. I show him nightly how much he means to me, pray for him, though I know he doesn't believe as I do. That doesn't matter. What I feel for him goes so far beyond physical it is sometimes hard to imagine, but I don't need to imagine it. I feel it. I see it. I know.
The second time I met the demon, Nikul and i were having a... disagreement. The thing landed right behind me. Several others were there as well this time, Nikul tried to protect Mitzy, along with the Fae that I have seen twice before. The Fae said "Not her." As if it had a say in the demon's decision. I will be wary of him, though the demon took Mitzy despite our attempts to save her. where was I? Laying in a pile of snow. The demon swung a lamp post at the Fae, and I just... reacted. I am able to move as fast as the Demon it seems. I was able to push the Fae away, but took the post to my side in his stead. Now I need to focus on healing. Figuring out a way to protect the people in this town from this Evil that plagues us.
I wonder what it's purpose is? Why does it show up in our town? Is there some significance behind the timing? Rameaus, Chelle and the others leaving, and the Demon attacks escalate.
My prayers seem to do nothing more than annoy it. It makes me question how much faith I can have. If a vampire's soul can be faithful under the eyes of God. Are we just abominations as the Vatican has declared? This cannot be. God is of LOVE, forgiveness. Surely He can forgive me for my past, and my future.
I have been researching it diligently for weeks now, I have a list of possible demons it could be. In order to banish it I MUST know it's name. In the light if recent events, 15 names seems like far too many. I was told by a Buddhist a few days ago that if you research evil, evil will find you. Evil has found our quaint town and torn it apart. I will keep researching, I have several other leads.. people that i can talk to, discuss this.. problem with. Hopefully one of them will have the answer I seek. Right now I would be happy knowing I am facing the right direction. If something doesn't happen soon... Seeking the dawn seems preferable to what this demon can do. But I won't give up. I can't. Too many people will die at the hands of this thing if I do. That is something I cannot allow.
Aydryan and I are the Masters of this City. This is OUR town. OUR home... and I would rather burn in Hell for eternity than let this demon destroy it.
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Post by Hikaru on Nov 9, 2009 14:19:11 GMT -5
Mitzy has been returned. She is abused, broken in some ways. I hope that she can become a stronger person through this. Like a diamond hardened by pressure over time. Things seem to be building up.
The night my ribs were broken, Aydryan and I switched places so that I could suffer less. Part of me feels it is wrong for me to have let him take my pain for me like that. The rest is.. thankful. This was the first time we have tried this intentionally. I admit to a certain... curiosity of sorts. The idea of switching places with each other again, walking around town in each other's shoes. Could be an eye opener. Perhaps we will try it when I am fully healed. It won't be long now. Each day I fast, do not feed, the pain subsides a little more. I heal better that way, though a new pain takes it's place. The Hunger rides me every night. But I can control it, push it away, lock it up. I knew that there would be a point that I cannot put any more away, where I would be forced to feed. Aydryan is fasting with me as well, though I wish he wouldn't. One of us needs to be strong and well in order to protect this town. We do what we can. It's all we can do.
That point came last night. I met Aydryan and Nikul at Fang Bangers, his club. Aydryan was dancing while Nikul and I relaxed. I know Nikul is going through a lot right now as well. He has become addicted to Fae blood, I suspect it is that Fae I saved that he has been feeding on. Perhaps he got him... no Nikul said that he did not know that he was a Fae when he began to feed. I know that that Fae got him addicted again, purposefully. Another reason to be wary of him. Last night Aydryan was trying to get Nikul to admit this addiction to him, though he already knew of it through me. I warned him to be cautious, I had no desire to feel the pain he felt when he Oathed him the night before. He got too close and Nikul touched him. I wonder what made Nikul give him pleasure instead of pain this time? Jaslene walked in in the middle of it, distracted Nikul, but my pain and his pleasure was too much, or rather, just enough for Aydryan. I felt him enter his calm place, deeper than I had felt him go before. Then the Hunger overrode my sensibilities, my own caution. I called to Jaslene, then rolled her.
What have I done? I delved so deep in her mind, I am unsure if I had not left something of myself behind.
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Post by Hikaru on Nov 29, 2009 7:32:16 GMT -5
(A quick note is scrawled along the center of the following page, leaving the rest of it blank.)
I am not sure why i leave so much unsaid, unwritten. Perhaps it is to keep a part of myself secret, safe and secure. I must learn to write more often as I originally started to. Either that or find some other venues of releasing my pent up thoughts.
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Post by Hikaru on Jan 25, 2010 9:54:24 GMT -5
(Posted here because i could not decide where it should go.)
Hikaru Mekanic gave Aydryan the much needed space he requested, first selecting a book and moving to the couch to read. After some time the writings got him sentimental, home sick, or it could be time sick. Craving the simpler times of his humanity. But his writing also contained interesting views on life, and gave him some things to consider. He marked his page and returned the book, glancing to his lover now still as the stones around them in his chair, but not saying a word.
He left, taking the passageways deeper into the catacombs, toward their home. Once there, he changed, braided his hair, and dug out his bag he had stashed, then returned to the banquet hall to stand in the far corner. He needed to think, and to just be for some moments, and not think at the same time. The bag was discarded against the wall with a loud clang, then he knelt, letting his knees hit the stones as of old, the shock it sent up his spine accepted and welcomed, the pain was discarded much like the bag had been and faded quickly. He let his mind go blank, his thoughts scattering to the air as violet eyes became unfocused, staring out at the rest of the room, seeing and yet not. It was in this way that he selected a thought, analyzed it, and either let it go or filed it away for more pondering.
Once he had finished, he rose, his arms extending outward, stretching to the fullest of his reach, his fingers curling to claws then flattening as he swung them in near his chest. So he moved, it was his form of Tai Chi, the slow version of a combination of martial arts moves and styles he had learned. He moved where he felt he needed to move, letting his emotions guide him, his instincts. At first the movements were jerky, angry swings that seemed uncontrolled. He and Aydryan both had anger and rage inside them, though, Hikaru himself had never been able to act upon it as Aydryan had done tonight. It had surprised him to say the least, confused and in some small way, irritated and disappointed him. But he understood. He let his anger and rage well up inside him, then burned it out through the movements. Slashing at the air with fists, palms, and clawed hands. Kicking in wide arcs and tight circles.
Gradually this calmed, slowed and became almost a dance, his muscles and body working like the fine tuned machine it was, the only pains he felt were the ones from not feeding in a few days, easily ignored. He began to understand things about himself again, though his thoughts returned and he began to analyze them again while his body steadily moved. Violet light began to grow from behind his eyes, faint against the dark stone walls.
He had been a slave for too long, a hundred years was a long time to not have your own say, your own mind. Oh he did have his mind during those times, though he dared not voice it, and the few times he had thought for himself had been disasters. He had been free of those shackles for surprisingly under one year. This realization hit him suddenly and he missed a step in his movements but instinctively caught himself, continuing in his dance of violence. Not even a full year had passed since he had been free of that infernal box, beginning to think on his own. It was no wonder that he was having problems and hesitating in leading alongside his lover. His hands lashed out again, striking the air as if it were a person, or thought that he wanted to rid himself of and could not. His brow had long been furrowed in concentration at his thoughts. He wondered, as he had since they had first been given the position, if he was strong enough, or as was whispered around the town, too soft and kind. He understood that to be kind was alright, but to be a leader, he needed a firmer hand, he needed to become stronger, more assertive. Oh he could still be gentle and kind to those that needed it, but to actually lead... he needed to be more.
His leg swung out from his body, catching the strap on the bag and pulling it closer, bending down to pull the chains with their weights from it and began winding them around his arms. The weights dangled, barely clipping the stone floor. He started swinging them slowly, picking his own speed. His body remembered how to move with them, like riding a bicycle, it had not forgotten in it's lack of using them. His body thrilled at the use, and, slowly he peeled away his oh so carefully constructed shields and walls, the silver chains binding his book that held his memories falling away, the cover lifting. The pages flew wildly about in the wind that didn't exist as his eyes shone vibrantly in the darkened room, glowing to the extent that they began to cast shadows of his movements across the walls. He was not afraid of his memories anymore. They were something to be learned from and used.
He examined the ones most closely that were not his own, a court, though not a vampire one but Fae. He watched the nuances and subtlety, the various forms of customs he paid notice to, though knew he would not be putting them to practice himself that he foresaw in the near future. But the actions of the court he noted, studied and memorized. The room filled with his memories, both the painful and the loving. Anyone that opened the doors would be instantly assaulted by them, though Hikaru knew, that most others either did not know of this place, or did not come this way. He also knew his lover and companion could feel his thoughts, feelings and know that he had opened himself up completely for the moment. Not out of loss of control, but to simply, let go. All the while the balls and chains swung about him in complex arcs, the whining of the air moving through the chains became his music, one he knew all to well and could manipulate at will. The faster he spun the Yuta, the higher the pitch.
He remained this way for several hours, examining his own life in great detail through his own memories until his vision was clouded by his maker's face, superimposed on the walls around him. Her shining blonde curls and malicious laughter rang through the room. Something inside him was growing harder, the Yuta beginning to move more deliberately. He swung one through one of his maker's smiling faces and it dissolved. He repeated this action with each of them, spinning round as he used the Yuta to slice through the images of his maker one at a time. There was no anger in his actions, no need for revenge, he was past that point now. The remaining single shining face rested against the wall and contorted, splitting in half. One side was his makers face, condescending and snide, the other was his own face, as he had once been. Young, in every possible way, vulnerable.
He knew these images were only in his mind's eye, only he was seeing these things save for possibly Aydryan if he was looking as well. He wasn't losing his mind, he was fixing it. He saw his own face, the young version of himself, wounded and scarred, both internally and out. His maker's face shone beside, daring him. He had been bred by her to never harm someone, she had ensured that he would always be weak and never in control, of himself or others. Starved and trained from his first waking to be a slave for thousands of deplorable acts, ones, he found with a start, he would not mind doing of his own free will now. Bred and trained for almost a hundred years, tortured, scarred, ruined. A low feral growl escaped his lips at that last thought, his teeth baring. He had been trained to never attack, never lash out. Growled out were two words, unintelligible to any other than himself and his love. "No more."
His arms shot outward, suddenly and violently toward those faces, the weights on the chains following quickly, the chains unraveling from his arms, smashing into the faces and into the wall beyond, crushing the stones. Hikaru jerked his hands back, catching the weights in them easily and stared at the holes for some time before lifting one of the weights and looking at that as well. Slowly, a new smile parted his lips, one that was clear and concise, cruel and calculating. He knew deep down that it would not last long, this stern resolution and cruelty that he had found. Though now he knew he had it, it would not disappear either. He would no longer be one to back down, take whatever people dished out to him and not give anything back in return. He accepted this new side of himself, and let it sink deeper into him. The weights fell to the floor, the chains finished unraveling from around his arms and joined them noisily. Hikaru's gaze returned to the wall for several moments as he found himself trying to catch a breath he did not need, his heart pounding out a rapid staccato in his chest.
Once he had calmed his body down, he found it ached from the hours of physical exertion. A pink sheen of sweat had formed over his body, the stray tendrils of his hair that surrounded his face were now stuck against it. He left the Yuta laying on the floor next to the broken bits of stonework and moved to the couch that stood on the dais, the one they had intended to be in replacement of their thrones. He walked behind it, running his bruising hands over the fabric. The bruises had started forming up his arms, but he ignored them as he did the rest of the pain he felt. His fingers curled over the back of the couch as he thought about what they had to deal with soon, the two ancient vampires. The one that had treated him so rudely. His anger grew, then faded almost instantly, washing away into the dark pit within him. He bowed his head and his braid fell forward over one shoulder, his eyes fixated on it a moment before closing. As he straightened back up he gave the couch a push, sending it toppling forward off the dais to land in a heap of jumbled pillows and cushions. Taking a deep breath that burned his lungs, he stepped down from the dais, skirting the smaller ones and disappearing behind the purple velvet curtains to enter their apartment, heading straight for the shower.
In the mood he was in, he was sure that if Aydryan chose to return home this night, he would be quite surprised in the changes Hikaru had taken. Part of him hoped that his lover would return and he could take what pent up aggression he still held out, with/on him. He almost reached through their bond to Aydryan, but stopped himself, continuing to give him space. He would contact him when he was ready.
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Post by Hikaru on Feb 19, 2010 15:05:19 GMT -5
In the silent hour after Jaslene had fallen asleep, Hikaru passed to his lover everything that had happened that night in detail. He let the silence between them drift knowing that Aydryan would need time to shuffle through it all. He had remained still the entire time, the only movement he made was the gentle petting of Jas's head in his lap. Carefully he shifted her and stood, covering her in the blanket and moving over to the bookcase and pulling out his journal.
As he sat at the desk, the only light in the room was from the candle he had lit, not wanting to disturb Jaslene's uneasy sleep, the dull scratching of pen against paper seemed very loud to him as he wrote against the flickering pages.
"I have made possibly a very rudimentary error tonight. In my shock and surprise at hearing of murders, of being accused and threatened the night before... I retaliated in err. The woman that had acted cruelly against me last night, received no better from me. I lack tact.
If a person acts unkindly toward you, it does not give you cause to act in kind to them. The golden rule. Does it still apply?
I called her a murderer. She is a vampire executioner. To us... that is what they are. But my knowledge and thoughts should have extended further. In every single person lies the ability to kill. She treated us like monsters. Did that give me the right to treat her as such?
We all must tread lightly now. The whole town is suspect. If this should get back to the council... I do not want to think about that outcome.
I have offered to view the bodies, and now I hesitate. I am second guessing myself at every turn. I cannot be doing this. Not.. and remain what I am.
It is time that I admit my faults. I am stubborn, refusing to let go of old problems long dead. I reacted badly toward her. I think I will attempt to find, and apologize to her tomorrow night. Try to salvage whatever I can.
There is nothing I can do tonight. Aydryan, ami intime... I wish you were here at my side for this. I know you needed to go... but the timing works against us. The dawn comes all too quickly for us these days it seems."
The pen was laid down, the candle blown out. As dawn came, it would find Hikaru back beside Jaslene, his body limp and lifeless with her head resting on his thigh once more.
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Post by Hikaru on Apr 18, 2010 0:49:20 GMT -5
It's the small things. The little wonders that you see in everyday life. The smallest of habits you perform that keep you sane... human.
I am a Vampire, A Priest, lover, friend,... so many things. Little things. But first and foremost I am a Master of THIS City.
I have killed and enjoyed it. Long before I was taken and turned. When I was human. I spent almost a century being tortured, being a slave. That changed me. Made me... human. It was my penance for my crimes as a human.
I do not believe I have been forsaken, abandoned. I have killed, beaten, fought, and tortured. Tortured a man with my abilities until he begged and still I did not stop until he clawed out his own eyes to try to stop the visions I gave him. Only when his screams had turned to pitiful mewlings did I stop. God help me but I enjoyed it. I enjoyed every scream of pain, every begging plea for me to stop. But it was justice. He deserved it after the atrocities he had committed. My friend, someone I am thankful and grateful to know is one he committed crimes against. It was for her that I did what I did. Justice. What about the seven other women he raped, abused, tortured, then killed? Is my single act enough justice for them? It will have to be.
Now my friend is angry, but more than that she is scared, scared of what she is becoming. That fear calls to me, I want to help her but I enjoy that fear too much at times too.
She hides it well. So do I. She wants to leave. But something tells me that I cannot allow that to happen. I MUST find a way to keep her here. I cannot let her go.
Aydryan is my lover, my distraction. He lets me dwell in my darkest desires, lets me open so much of myself to him and accepts it all. And still he worries that something he may think or feel or want will make me turn away, disgusted by him. Silly fool. He has not realized just how alike we are, and different. He still hides parts of himself from me and I do not dare pry for them. Different similarities. A bond forged on love and trust and.. we still do not know what caused it, how it came to be.
He is away on business in Alabama and even with our bond... I miss him. We are still connected over the large expanse but I still feel torn in two without him here. Like half of myself is missing. These are things I have not let myself think, or dwell on for fear he would find out and cut us off from the rest of the world.
In his absence I find my mind delving into the darker part of my mind, things I usually avoid thinking too strongly about. The demon has not been seen for months. Did it realize how close I am to discovering and banishing it? Do demons fear? Or is it sitting in silence and waiting, gathering strength for an even larger attack on our City? Things that should not be thought about. Little things, larger things.
At times I wonder if I am losing my mind. I have only begun to remember what and who I really was as a human. Could I have more in common with the demon than a Priest? Scary thought that. Best not to dwell on it too long.
Best not to dwell on anything too long. Keep busy. Keep moving and building. Find something to build and construct, not to destroy.
I am a vampire, friend, lover, Priest. But first I am the Master of the City. I am a leader. People look to me for protection, for advice, for guidance. Now there is another vampire that threatens us. he wants Nikki and I WILL NOT allow that to happen. I am not the pitiful slave that arrived into Wood Bourne a year ago. I will not back down and let those under me, those i claim as my own to be trodden on by others that claim to know what is right and good when they are in fact spewing about death and destruction. I will fight for every person in this town. If I have to... alone. But I am not alone. Aydryan, Isabella, Jaslene, Serenity and Terra, even Christopher will be there beside or behind me. Helping as much as they can.
Jaslene has been through so much lately. I am trying to be there for her as I know Tony is as well. He has told me about the almost depression she has fallen into after Sam's death. I don't blame her but she needs to rise out of it. She puts on her strong face but alone I saw it last night as we talked and I comforted her as best I could.
Serenity and Terra guard themselves from me now it seems. What used to be fun and flirty has turned cautious of me. I know why, though I enjoy and am happy with my new found powers, I do not blame them really either.
Christopher... I do not know what to do about him. For almost a month I have kept him safe, gave him shelter in the basement of the church. All the while I crave to taste him. He has offered to feed me multiple times and always been afraid. His fear calls to me like Isabella's, only... more so. How is it possible for him to trust me so much and still fear me? I want too much from him I suppose. I want to crush him against me while I feed. Hear that panicked swansong against my ear. If he knew these things, he would run. I know it. So I remain at his side, helping him as much as I can and still keep my distance and avoid how much of a temptation he is for me.
Little things. Perhaps may be the biggest way to remain... human.
Who I am supposed to be, who I want to be.
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