Post by rhage on Jun 13, 2010 14:38:38 GMT -5
I hate diaries.
I suppose the only reason I am writing in this one is because if I don’t get some things out I’ll go insane. And I can’t talk to Ser. Not now. Not even if she were speaking to me. So I guess this is easier.
I plan on killing my twin’s mate. Is that something you should write down? Even in your own private journal? Regardless… Nothing has hurt her so much. She lies there, in her room, ignoring everyone. Barely existing. I stay with her until she stirs enough I know she’ll shift. And then I have to leave the room. I don’t trust my petulant leopard enough to keep her controlled with Ser in her new wolf form. While she sleeps I’m there for her. I don’t know if it helps or hurts, me curling up beside her. She won’t say. So I stay for her. Maybe it helps.
I’ve ordered tons of sheets and bedding for her room. With each shift her linens are ruined. It’s not easy to move a limp body while you change bedding. I moved the bed in Narci’s old room out and pushed it against the wall so Ser wouldn’t be propped on the floor during all the bedding changes. Ugh. It would help if Gage and Narci were around more. And our supposed half-sister, she could be making herself useful as well. I’m entirely lost on how to fix this.
With Ser not talking, I’ve quit with my own attempts to get her to talk. Rambling to myself was starting to drive me mad; it had to bug the shit out of her. She’ll talk when she’s ready.
I found myself praying again. It’s been a long time since I catered to my religious teachings, but for Ser I am praying. God can help her. Will help her. I just pray it’s soon. I never was very patient in things like this.
I need a nap. Or a solid night’s sleep. I’m almost afraid to close my eyes lately though. I need to be there for Ser. When I do fall asleep I dream. Dreams of the clinic are still frequent, though not as bad as if I were in my own room, but there are also other dreams now. Dreams of how I will see to the wolf’s death. Most of the dreams end with me startling awake, or with Ser screaming in her own nightmares. Either way I’m always damp with sweat.
How are we gonna get through this one? I don’t like not knowing. If father were here, he would beat me for not having a solid plan where I know the outcome or possible outcomes.
But I just don’t know this time.
I suppose the only reason I am writing in this one is because if I don’t get some things out I’ll go insane. And I can’t talk to Ser. Not now. Not even if she were speaking to me. So I guess this is easier.
I plan on killing my twin’s mate. Is that something you should write down? Even in your own private journal? Regardless… Nothing has hurt her so much. She lies there, in her room, ignoring everyone. Barely existing. I stay with her until she stirs enough I know she’ll shift. And then I have to leave the room. I don’t trust my petulant leopard enough to keep her controlled with Ser in her new wolf form. While she sleeps I’m there for her. I don’t know if it helps or hurts, me curling up beside her. She won’t say. So I stay for her. Maybe it helps.
I’ve ordered tons of sheets and bedding for her room. With each shift her linens are ruined. It’s not easy to move a limp body while you change bedding. I moved the bed in Narci’s old room out and pushed it against the wall so Ser wouldn’t be propped on the floor during all the bedding changes. Ugh. It would help if Gage and Narci were around more. And our supposed half-sister, she could be making herself useful as well. I’m entirely lost on how to fix this.
With Ser not talking, I’ve quit with my own attempts to get her to talk. Rambling to myself was starting to drive me mad; it had to bug the shit out of her. She’ll talk when she’s ready.
I found myself praying again. It’s been a long time since I catered to my religious teachings, but for Ser I am praying. God can help her. Will help her. I just pray it’s soon. I never was very patient in things like this.
I need a nap. Or a solid night’s sleep. I’m almost afraid to close my eyes lately though. I need to be there for Ser. When I do fall asleep I dream. Dreams of the clinic are still frequent, though not as bad as if I were in my own room, but there are also other dreams now. Dreams of how I will see to the wolf’s death. Most of the dreams end with me startling awake, or with Ser screaming in her own nightmares. Either way I’m always damp with sweat.
How are we gonna get through this one? I don’t like not knowing. If father were here, he would beat me for not having a solid plan where I know the outcome or possible outcomes.
But I just don’t know this time.