Post by binkyboo on Jul 27, 2010 14:02:48 GMT -5
Bink watched as Mon Cher slept on a pile of plushies. It was well into th night, his phone had 12 missed calls and had finally stopped vibrating. Least none of them Jehan. He stood and kissed at the kitten's head, pocketing his cell phone and left the underground apartment. He was hungry, but he didn't bother to stop for foos this time. He was restless and he needed out. as he walked the halls of the catacombs, he looked up an address on the yellow pages and from that.... started up a quietly talking GPS. Modern technology at its finest. He kept fiddling with the pphone, to keep the screen lit to act as his flash light. On the street level, he jogged, quickly, keeping to light post to light post and staying as far fro mthe darkness as he could. All day and night long the same broken and disjointed memories played in his head. With that voice that crept out of Shadows to torment him years on end... for a man who acted so much like him last night, he hadn't slept that entire day.
He was drained, but he needed to get away from that apartment. The place that smelled like Jehan. He needed to get away from the memories to hide, to pretend he was ok and not afraid and mean it. But he hadn't managed that all day. He eyed the diner as he past it and gulped gently as the lights dimmed to the oncoming residential area. Most would thing the darkness among the lightly lit porches was cozy, but Bink was to terrified he was sweating. "Please... please don't be there..." he whispered to himself as his GPS spoke to go just a half mile more. He didn't want to, not into THAT, but... he wanted peace. The one place the bad men could never get to. He crouched by the wall of the internet Cafe, narrowing his eyes as his heart beat in his throat. "... run... just run.... if youre fast, he'll not get you..." He whispered the words between his oh please and don't be theres and ran. He ran like hell. Ran until he smashed into the entrance of the church. He was so panicked he almost couldn't open the door and cried out in fear that he was stuck in the darkness...with Him, but eventually it budged and Binky tumbled instead the church, the safe ground. His Sanctuary for the night.
Bink dusted himself off, walking through the empty hall of the Chuch. He stepped up to a pew, genuflected and made the sign of the cross, stood and stepped into the pew taking seat on it. He folder down the kneelers and knelt upon them, again making a sign of the cross as he enfolded his hands and looked up to where a cross should be. "Heyla God, I... I know this isn't a catholic church, but the nearest one was really far away. So you will have to pardon me of the sins of laziness." He chuckled lightly. " Anyway, forgive me god for I have sinned. It's been.... well..." He blushed, the broken and disjointed memories of his past failing to aid him in accurate year counting. "I'm sure you know how long its been since my last confession. It's not that I haven't wanted to be here. It is just hard.. you know. Living with vampires and all. For that I ask your forgiveness too." He smiled and leaned back agaisnt the pew behind him. "I'm really not here for a confession. I... I just needed someone to listen to me, and I know you're good at that. You don't really do much else. You don't save.. .you're never there for anyone, but you listen... so please... if it isn't too much trouble for you.... I have some thigns on my mind..."
Bink lowered his head, resting his forehead on the pew before him. "I'm not sure where to begin. I still hate you. You were never there when I cried. Those nights... the ones I can still remember, being strapped to that bed waiting for the robed men to come and poke me with every needle and isntrument known to medical science. where were you when I prayed for help... for my life back? Where were you when my family disowned me and pronounced me dead to be a full time lab rat? Huh? Where were you when I was taken in by Jehan and his 'family'? Where were you when Jehan's Master locked me in their catacombs for days... when they hurt me and rolled me... and did so many things to me that half my life is now completely lost from my memory? Are you laughing at me, God?! Are you sitting there in your mist of nothing and laughing that I'm nothing but a half baked shell? that I.. I can't think on my own... that I've become this... this thing. I can't even change a television channel on my own!" He growled and threw himself back, sitting on the pew. "I'm helpless, and goodf or nothing but serving Jehan and all his needs, and some days I can't even do that completely because I'm not human. Jehan was my everything, God!! He was the one thing that kept me living each day. He still should be. How could you let him do that?!? He's a GOOD fucking person!! He's not evil!!! He doesn't enjoying inflicting pain!!! he doesn't!!! He's supposed to save me from my nightmares!!! he's not supposed to be my nightmares. I want my Jehan back, GOD!!!"
Bink cried his eyes out as he sat on the pew. He cried and cried until his eyes rebelled to draw out any tears. it didn't take so long. He hadn't slept in nearly 48 hours. Fatigue would do that, and even spent of tears, he didn't collapse in exhaustion. He just sat slumped and lsitened to the silence of the church and the lack of reply God gave him.
Jehan Rakosi sat there unmoving. unblinking and unbreathing for long enough someone had actually thought he was a manequin seated there . It would have been rather humorous to have noticed how they lept when he suddenly sighed and moved . but he wasn't paying that much attention and instead he was rather fixed on the cell phone he had pulled out of his jacket again . He sat there running a finger over it again and again till finally it seemed almost of its own volition a number was pressed. He started at the sound of the phone dialing through and blinked at it a moment before he lifted it to an ear and waited to see if it would be answered.
Bink pulled himself from the pew and stepped out of it, genuflecting and making another sign of the cross before turning to exit the church. His chest hurt. H felt so empty inside, but he knew... he had to live on. He had to go home to a man he loved and felt he no longer knew. He had to look Jehan in the eyes and smile and pretend he did not frighten him to the point of screaming. He had to save face and be the good Pomme because that was what he was. It was all he could remember. It was all he knew how to do and be. So he took in a deep breath and began his trudge down the path to the church's gates. He tensed as his phone began to vibrate. He winced too but he still pulled it out and looked at the name ringing. He didn't want to answer. It hurt him to see the name and know he had to answer. For a moment he thoguht about letting it go to voice mail, throwing the phone into the darkness and running, never looking back. Running away from everything, running until his nightmares consumed him whole. "heyla Jehan! Are you enjoying your evening?" It sickened him jsut how soft and ncie his own voice could come out sounding...
Jehan Rakosi stayed quiet for a long time even after the phone was answered then he replied softly ." Not really ...I have been doing some...thinking . I think I scared someone else while I was sitting here . Someone spilled a drink on me You always told me to not forget to breathe." he tried to laugh softly then sighed again ," what are you doing? How is your night?"
Bink stepped out onto the dimly lit pathway. He was shaking, but he could pass it off as being cold. "i... am doing pretty good! I finally got lonely and Mon Cher was jsut sleeping, so I went out for a long walk. I found the houses in town! and there is a swing here. So that's nice." He sat down, glad for seats. his legs were too weak for him to continue walking. he gripped the rope swings, shutting his eyes tight as he swang.
VasRhea Ixito walked through the houssing park. She was headed toward pride house, her headphonesblaring out her mp3s when she saw someone on the swing. She plucked one head phone away. "Someone there? Kinda late to be swinging in't it?"
Jehan Rakosi leaned his head into the phone concentrating to hear through the noise of the club. Just to hear that heartbeat he knew so intimately and adored. He flung himself out of that chair finally and pushed himself through the crowd to the entrance jsut to throw himself out the door intot he night . He took in an unneeded breath and shuddered slightly almost as if cold ." Oh a swing.. that sounds very sweet..no seesaw though huh? did you get something to eat? I was ...concerned you hadn't before I left I ...I know that you are nota s happy as you are pretending to be. I can feel it.
Bink smiled sadly to the voice on the phone. "no, I haven't eaten yet, but I'm not that hungry. And I'm fine really. I just... don't feel myself today." His ears twitched and he drew up his hoodie to the voice being called out. "He stopped his swinging then and cleared his throat, " I think a security guard or someone is telling me to leave... so I guess I'll head back home."
VasRhea Ixito: Bink? Is that you?" She steps a little closer but not getting in his space. "No it's ok, you don't have to leave. I just don't see too good in the dark. Are you ok?"
Jehan Rakosi snorted softly, "You would think in a city like this they would be less about chasing people out of places after dark ...so...I'll see you there in a littlewhile. I think Remiel should be there I bet he would make you some soup. I know I know you said not hungry . I just worry I dont want anything to hapen to you " he hunched shoulders and slowly started down his way along the street.
Bink stood up and moved to leave, the glow of his cell phone lighting up his face. He noticed the person talking is not a security guard after all, but vas and blushed faintly. Moreso when he realized he couldn't entirely remember her name. " um.. Heyla, Miss... " He chuckled nervously and pointed to his phone. "I was jsut being called home. Sorry to bother you!" He speaking more into the phone, he answered quickly, " Ok Jehan! I'll meet you at home then. Love you."
VasRhea Ixito sighs "It's Vas. You know, the one you're scared of but I'm Deo's friend. I've been meaning to give these to you but I don't know where you live and I didnt want to bother you while you worked in the candy shop.... i think i may not be allowed back their anyway. But here" She holds out a baggies of cookies. "I like making them for you. i don't want you scared of me." She sounded a little sad but tried to smile as she held out the treat.
Jehan Rakosi: smiled faintly to his phone as he walked slowly down the side of the street ," I'll see you there A Ghrá mo Chroà . Maybe we can talk.. or not. Jsut tickle the cat perhaps " he chuckled as he started to hang up the call but he wasnt paying much attention to anything else along that street at the moment .He di d pause at a corner to ask," it is a security guard right?"
Bink looked at the cookie bag as Vas spoke and then Jehan through his cell. But it was Jehan he responded too first. "No, I was wrong. It's not a Security guard, Jehan. Its Deo's friend, Vas. The one that talks about things I don't know about?" Bink of course had almsot forgotten she was there. He was not the best at Tact. Then... the brain's lightbulb went on and he remembered Vas was there after all, " Sorry! I.. its hard multitasking..." but it was hard talking and walking too. he lacked sleep and in the dim lit area, it hid the bags under his eyes... or the redness from his crying earlier. "Oh, I'm not scared you you, Miss Vas... You jsut weird me out when you try speaking of things I don't understand or know about. It's... more creepy than anything else...." He gave a weak smile and reached out for the cookie bag. His ears were lowering within his hood. He knew he needed to get sleep so he could glamour himself back up again. "I'm really sorry, but I do need to get home. Jehan's waiting on me."
“I understand. It's late. Would you like me to walk you home?" She smiled a little. What had she said to weird him out? When had he ever talked to her really or maybe he overheard her discussions with Misty? She wasn't sure. "If not, maybe we can talk about not weird things sometimes." She took a step back, signalling she wouldn't keep him if he wanted to leave without her help.
Jehan Rakosi relaxed but jsut faintly so ," ohh ok. I do not think she is a threat then . come home Bink . I will see you in a little bit . If you need me I still ahve the phone in my hand.
Bink walked passed Vas, raisign the hand not holding his phone politely, " no, It's ok, Miss Vas... I can walk home on my own. Thank you, though! Be careful out here. The shadows are killer sometimes." He turned to face the street ahead of him to sigh into the phone, " Jehan.... Miss Vas isn't a threat, but ok. I will see you at home."
“Tell Jehan hello." She said quietly before pulling her cigarettes out and lighting one, moving to the swing Bink had vacated. Might as well stay where she was and wait for Blade, or the wolves could eat her, whatever came first.
Bink nodded to vas as he took to walking back 'home'. Once he knew he was safe from her view and the phone was back into his pocket, he sighed and huing his head. He still felt wretched inside. He didn't want to talk to Jehan. He didn't want to be near his husband. He didn't want to feel soft, cold hands upon him nad recall the pain they so happily gave out a night ago. He didn't want to look into Jehan's eyes and recall the darkness he held in it.. the joy or using and abusing. He didnt want to remember any of it. he walked down the streets and kept his hoodie up holding his chest as he made it to the entrance into the catacombs. "....God.... I know you're listening. I'm tired of not knowingmyself, of what I am. I'm tired of being yours and everyone else's toy and joke. Really what am I saying to you, God? .... Go fuck yourself."
He was drained, but he needed to get away from that apartment. The place that smelled like Jehan. He needed to get away from the memories to hide, to pretend he was ok and not afraid and mean it. But he hadn't managed that all day. He eyed the diner as he past it and gulped gently as the lights dimmed to the oncoming residential area. Most would thing the darkness among the lightly lit porches was cozy, but Bink was to terrified he was sweating. "Please... please don't be there..." he whispered to himself as his GPS spoke to go just a half mile more. He didn't want to, not into THAT, but... he wanted peace. The one place the bad men could never get to. He crouched by the wall of the internet Cafe, narrowing his eyes as his heart beat in his throat. "... run... just run.... if youre fast, he'll not get you..." He whispered the words between his oh please and don't be theres and ran. He ran like hell. Ran until he smashed into the entrance of the church. He was so panicked he almost couldn't open the door and cried out in fear that he was stuck in the darkness...with Him, but eventually it budged and Binky tumbled instead the church, the safe ground. His Sanctuary for the night.
Bink dusted himself off, walking through the empty hall of the Chuch. He stepped up to a pew, genuflected and made the sign of the cross, stood and stepped into the pew taking seat on it. He folder down the kneelers and knelt upon them, again making a sign of the cross as he enfolded his hands and looked up to where a cross should be. "Heyla God, I... I know this isn't a catholic church, but the nearest one was really far away. So you will have to pardon me of the sins of laziness." He chuckled lightly. " Anyway, forgive me god for I have sinned. It's been.... well..." He blushed, the broken and disjointed memories of his past failing to aid him in accurate year counting. "I'm sure you know how long its been since my last confession. It's not that I haven't wanted to be here. It is just hard.. you know. Living with vampires and all. For that I ask your forgiveness too." He smiled and leaned back agaisnt the pew behind him. "I'm really not here for a confession. I... I just needed someone to listen to me, and I know you're good at that. You don't really do much else. You don't save.. .you're never there for anyone, but you listen... so please... if it isn't too much trouble for you.... I have some thigns on my mind..."
Bink lowered his head, resting his forehead on the pew before him. "I'm not sure where to begin. I still hate you. You were never there when I cried. Those nights... the ones I can still remember, being strapped to that bed waiting for the robed men to come and poke me with every needle and isntrument known to medical science. where were you when I prayed for help... for my life back? Where were you when my family disowned me and pronounced me dead to be a full time lab rat? Huh? Where were you when I was taken in by Jehan and his 'family'? Where were you when Jehan's Master locked me in their catacombs for days... when they hurt me and rolled me... and did so many things to me that half my life is now completely lost from my memory? Are you laughing at me, God?! Are you sitting there in your mist of nothing and laughing that I'm nothing but a half baked shell? that I.. I can't think on my own... that I've become this... this thing. I can't even change a television channel on my own!" He growled and threw himself back, sitting on the pew. "I'm helpless, and goodf or nothing but serving Jehan and all his needs, and some days I can't even do that completely because I'm not human. Jehan was my everything, God!! He was the one thing that kept me living each day. He still should be. How could you let him do that?!? He's a GOOD fucking person!! He's not evil!!! He doesn't enjoying inflicting pain!!! he doesn't!!! He's supposed to save me from my nightmares!!! he's not supposed to be my nightmares. I want my Jehan back, GOD!!!"
Bink cried his eyes out as he sat on the pew. He cried and cried until his eyes rebelled to draw out any tears. it didn't take so long. He hadn't slept in nearly 48 hours. Fatigue would do that, and even spent of tears, he didn't collapse in exhaustion. He just sat slumped and lsitened to the silence of the church and the lack of reply God gave him.
Jehan Rakosi sat there unmoving. unblinking and unbreathing for long enough someone had actually thought he was a manequin seated there . It would have been rather humorous to have noticed how they lept when he suddenly sighed and moved . but he wasn't paying that much attention and instead he was rather fixed on the cell phone he had pulled out of his jacket again . He sat there running a finger over it again and again till finally it seemed almost of its own volition a number was pressed. He started at the sound of the phone dialing through and blinked at it a moment before he lifted it to an ear and waited to see if it would be answered.
Bink pulled himself from the pew and stepped out of it, genuflecting and making another sign of the cross before turning to exit the church. His chest hurt. H felt so empty inside, but he knew... he had to live on. He had to go home to a man he loved and felt he no longer knew. He had to look Jehan in the eyes and smile and pretend he did not frighten him to the point of screaming. He had to save face and be the good Pomme because that was what he was. It was all he could remember. It was all he knew how to do and be. So he took in a deep breath and began his trudge down the path to the church's gates. He tensed as his phone began to vibrate. He winced too but he still pulled it out and looked at the name ringing. He didn't want to answer. It hurt him to see the name and know he had to answer. For a moment he thoguht about letting it go to voice mail, throwing the phone into the darkness and running, never looking back. Running away from everything, running until his nightmares consumed him whole. "heyla Jehan! Are you enjoying your evening?" It sickened him jsut how soft and ncie his own voice could come out sounding...
Jehan Rakosi stayed quiet for a long time even after the phone was answered then he replied softly ." Not really ...I have been doing some...thinking . I think I scared someone else while I was sitting here . Someone spilled a drink on me You always told me to not forget to breathe." he tried to laugh softly then sighed again ," what are you doing? How is your night?"
Bink stepped out onto the dimly lit pathway. He was shaking, but he could pass it off as being cold. "i... am doing pretty good! I finally got lonely and Mon Cher was jsut sleeping, so I went out for a long walk. I found the houses in town! and there is a swing here. So that's nice." He sat down, glad for seats. his legs were too weak for him to continue walking. he gripped the rope swings, shutting his eyes tight as he swang.
VasRhea Ixito walked through the houssing park. She was headed toward pride house, her headphonesblaring out her mp3s when she saw someone on the swing. She plucked one head phone away. "Someone there? Kinda late to be swinging in't it?"
Jehan Rakosi leaned his head into the phone concentrating to hear through the noise of the club. Just to hear that heartbeat he knew so intimately and adored. He flung himself out of that chair finally and pushed himself through the crowd to the entrance jsut to throw himself out the door intot he night . He took in an unneeded breath and shuddered slightly almost as if cold ." Oh a swing.. that sounds very sweet..no seesaw though huh? did you get something to eat? I was ...concerned you hadn't before I left I ...I know that you are nota s happy as you are pretending to be. I can feel it.
Bink smiled sadly to the voice on the phone. "no, I haven't eaten yet, but I'm not that hungry. And I'm fine really. I just... don't feel myself today." His ears twitched and he drew up his hoodie to the voice being called out. "He stopped his swinging then and cleared his throat, " I think a security guard or someone is telling me to leave... so I guess I'll head back home."
VasRhea Ixito: Bink? Is that you?" She steps a little closer but not getting in his space. "No it's ok, you don't have to leave. I just don't see too good in the dark. Are you ok?"
Jehan Rakosi snorted softly, "You would think in a city like this they would be less about chasing people out of places after dark ...so...I'll see you there in a littlewhile. I think Remiel should be there I bet he would make you some soup. I know I know you said not hungry . I just worry I dont want anything to hapen to you " he hunched shoulders and slowly started down his way along the street.
Bink stood up and moved to leave, the glow of his cell phone lighting up his face. He noticed the person talking is not a security guard after all, but vas and blushed faintly. Moreso when he realized he couldn't entirely remember her name. " um.. Heyla, Miss... " He chuckled nervously and pointed to his phone. "I was jsut being called home. Sorry to bother you!" He speaking more into the phone, he answered quickly, " Ok Jehan! I'll meet you at home then. Love you."
VasRhea Ixito sighs "It's Vas. You know, the one you're scared of but I'm Deo's friend. I've been meaning to give these to you but I don't know where you live and I didnt want to bother you while you worked in the candy shop.... i think i may not be allowed back their anyway. But here" She holds out a baggies of cookies. "I like making them for you. i don't want you scared of me." She sounded a little sad but tried to smile as she held out the treat.
Jehan Rakosi: smiled faintly to his phone as he walked slowly down the side of the street ," I'll see you there A Ghrá mo Chroà . Maybe we can talk.. or not. Jsut tickle the cat perhaps " he chuckled as he started to hang up the call but he wasnt paying much attention to anything else along that street at the moment .He di d pause at a corner to ask," it is a security guard right?"
Bink looked at the cookie bag as Vas spoke and then Jehan through his cell. But it was Jehan he responded too first. "No, I was wrong. It's not a Security guard, Jehan. Its Deo's friend, Vas. The one that talks about things I don't know about?" Bink of course had almsot forgotten she was there. He was not the best at Tact. Then... the brain's lightbulb went on and he remembered Vas was there after all, " Sorry! I.. its hard multitasking..." but it was hard talking and walking too. he lacked sleep and in the dim lit area, it hid the bags under his eyes... or the redness from his crying earlier. "Oh, I'm not scared you you, Miss Vas... You jsut weird me out when you try speaking of things I don't understand or know about. It's... more creepy than anything else...." He gave a weak smile and reached out for the cookie bag. His ears were lowering within his hood. He knew he needed to get sleep so he could glamour himself back up again. "I'm really sorry, but I do need to get home. Jehan's waiting on me."
“I understand. It's late. Would you like me to walk you home?" She smiled a little. What had she said to weird him out? When had he ever talked to her really or maybe he overheard her discussions with Misty? She wasn't sure. "If not, maybe we can talk about not weird things sometimes." She took a step back, signalling she wouldn't keep him if he wanted to leave without her help.
Jehan Rakosi relaxed but jsut faintly so ," ohh ok. I do not think she is a threat then . come home Bink . I will see you in a little bit . If you need me I still ahve the phone in my hand.
Bink walked passed Vas, raisign the hand not holding his phone politely, " no, It's ok, Miss Vas... I can walk home on my own. Thank you, though! Be careful out here. The shadows are killer sometimes." He turned to face the street ahead of him to sigh into the phone, " Jehan.... Miss Vas isn't a threat, but ok. I will see you at home."
“Tell Jehan hello." She said quietly before pulling her cigarettes out and lighting one, moving to the swing Bink had vacated. Might as well stay where she was and wait for Blade, or the wolves could eat her, whatever came first.
Bink nodded to vas as he took to walking back 'home'. Once he knew he was safe from her view and the phone was back into his pocket, he sighed and huing his head. He still felt wretched inside. He didn't want to talk to Jehan. He didn't want to be near his husband. He didn't want to feel soft, cold hands upon him nad recall the pain they so happily gave out a night ago. He didn't want to look into Jehan's eyes and recall the darkness he held in it.. the joy or using and abusing. He didnt want to remember any of it. he walked down the streets and kept his hoodie up holding his chest as he made it to the entrance into the catacombs. "....God.... I know you're listening. I'm tired of not knowingmyself, of what I am. I'm tired of being yours and everyone else's toy and joke. Really what am I saying to you, God? .... Go fuck yourself."