Post by binkyboo on Jul 28, 2010 16:34:10 GMT -5
James Binks-Rakosi sighed as he walked through the catacombs. the light of hte day made his eyes squint, but he didn't mind it too much. It was just odd to leave the house before dark. he fiddled with the pockets of his pants and made his way out towards the edge of town. After the past few days and his still lack of sleep... he needed alone time. He did have his phone on him. He checked. So it was out to the woods where he wuiet was nice. And the biggest benefit of all..... no buggy zombie ghosts came out in the day!
James Binks-Rakosi hummed as he walked, keeping to the hills of the forest and the sound of water falling as he made his way to the falls. He wasn't going to swim, but he needed the hushed roar of the water as it crashed down onto stone and itself. He just needed to relax and hopefully doze off finally.
James Binks-Rakosi sighed as he appraoched as near to the falls as he could. his ears fanned back as he sat on the moist grass and curled up. He didn't bother with his glamour alone. It helped conserve his energy. Smiling he lay there and listened to the falls and watched the water until his eyes grew heavy and sleep came. Dreamless calming sleep of mild exhaustion
Asher moved down to the water edge and drank then turned his head blinking at the figure curled up near the waterfall. Kitty brows furrowed for a moment glancing back at the Tiger before he started creeping closer to the sleeping figure.
Adrik: "Was...splashing! He looved water. He hadnt noticed anyone at first. He was dive bombing off the small hill and hopping threw water until he saw Asher creeping up on a sleeping...uh oh. Grunting and mowing at the cheetah he signaled to give the man a bit of space....waking up to preditors in your face was a bit...well 'Ahh!'"
James Binks-Rakosi there was no spider sense for Bink. There was no feeling. the mist of the falls was already making his hair damp and the coolness of the stone against his smooshed face. He didn't even sleepy babble at teh stone, and that alone said something about his tiredness!
Asher glanced over at Adrik and snorted then back at the sleeping figure, creeping up to him then dipping his head down against his back (or side) and nuzzled pushing against his side a bit with a soft purr snort, vivid blue eyes rolled up to watch the sleeping face. He didn't want to scare the guy, but he was worried about him too, but those ears had his eyes widening but he didn't back off.
Adrik: "Sneezed and shook his head at the cheetah...stubborn. He trotted from the water and wompt Asher pn the butt with a heavey paw. Not hard but it was there, and then pushed his side with his massive head. Course...curiousity killed the cat..even large ones! He sniffed towards blonde hair himself..where he didnt want to scare the kid..Asher had a right to be worried./..this wasnt exactlly normal...then...neither was Bink."
James Binks-Rakosi whinedas he was poked, he raised a hand to reach back and sleepily pat at Asher's head, murmuring in his now apparantly sleep talk banter, " ...no...no Mon Cher.... sleep now.. we'll have peanut brittle later..."
Asher chirped back at Adrik then , true to stubborn form, flopped down next to Bink on his side, has face going half smushed with the sleepy petting but he didn't seem to mind. His tail curled up and over Bink's legs, twitching against his shins.
Adrik: "Rolled his eyes. He made a soft warning growl to the cheetah. This wasnt food...he wanted to make that clear. Folding his back legs he too moved into a laying position, and his mouth hovered over the Cheetah's scruff to give a small pinch for emphasis. Releasing him he curled around both forms. The spray of the falls adding more water to the already wet tiger."
James Binks-Rakosi rolled over to the warm body and yawn nuzzled at the fur. He said something, but it was muffled and lost in cheetah fur. His long ear flicked twice as he cuddled against said cheetah and then... seemed to drift effortlessly back into his sleep.. partly on Asher now. He remained still in his sleepa moment longer... until his nose started wiggling. "...mon Cher.... did you let a puppy in... it smells like wet dog..."
Asher twitched and wiggled at the pinch against his neck, one paw rising up and bopping at the Tiger's neck before he was promptly semi squished with a chirp, but he was okay still, as long as the little guy didn't squeeze... He rolled his eye and craned his neck to look at him and blinked, recognizing him from tripping over him at the club. A little rearranging of his head and Adrik's, had Bink's on Adrik's head, and Asher's on his neck. Lifting his head he started licking at the wet fur faced Tiger, but not really noticing that he was also partially licking Bink's hair as well.
Adrik: "Balked, his fur fluffing. He was not a dog! Adrik made a calling sound as a bit of hurt pride slinked out. He reached nose poked the mans face and licked a rough tongue over his ear. Cheeky bugger. Being groomed lightly though he purred on an inhail. Loud and drawling His face snuggling into the two. One paw reaching to hold them closer."
James Binks-Rakosi whined and mumbled incoherently to the sticky wetness of cat tongue on his hair and wriggled in place to get more comfortable. his little hands went up to grab at the ginormous ear of adrik to yes.... nom it repeatedly. Normally ear would have been a pillow... or Jehan's finger, but tiger ear was just as good!
Asher continued to groom the wet fur and as a face shifted closer, so did his tongue, licking Bink from nose tip and up his forehead and through his hair, then "urp!" turned his head away and half gagged with an overly long hair got stuck in his throat. Shaking his head he went back to grooming the tiger's face. Short hairs and not long, much better!
Tobias Bailey sighed faintly as he gathered up all the strewn around feathers, lower lip jutted out in a genuine pout as he bundled up the sad, broken little things. Such a pity...and his backside stung like he'd sat on a bed of fire ants. Pullin' out a feather that wasn't ready to come out was about the same as yanking out a pencil-thick leg hair! He turned back up to scale the rock face, aiming to get to the other side before taking wing.
Adrik: "OOooh chewed ear. The tigers paws started kneeding at the other two forms with a much louder garggling grainy inward purr. His fur settled and the Tiger joined the grooming, the bonding. Long rough tongue skimming a tiny cheeta face and over a Bink Chin from the awkward angle. "Mrrrooow""
James Binks-Rakosi seemed content in his sleeping... until that deep mmrow came up. his ear perked up and his body still. That sound was too deep for Mon Cher. His eyes didn't open as he cautiously pulled his body away from fluffy warmth. He heard teh falls. he was still by them. He felt wet from the falls spray and... sticky... "ew...?" He muttered as he reached up to rub his cat licked hair. then came the inevidable cracking open of one eyes. The tri color glowing orb blinking blearily and was quickly joined by its companion as he squinted and tried to focus on the fuzzy form. But... it wasn't his eyes. They were indeed. Fuzzy. He gulped loudly and for a moment wanted to panic. RAT!! He then remember that rats don't purr.. or mmrow. He let out a sigh, but didn't get any less tense. "...i... I didn't know there was a zoo nearby..." Binky wasn't the brightest in detecting shifters.
Asher lifted his head when Bink started moving away and tensing up, vivid blue eyes blinking at him a moment before he shifted closer, but only to get off of Adrik's neck so that he could roll onto his back and paw at the air in his direction with a soft chirp. See? Harmless! But movement above the falls had his ears perking, his head tipping and eyes blinking, trying to figure out what that thing was.
Adrik: "Chuff laughed at paws wiggling in the air...he had the mental image of Asher going 'And this little piggy went to market..' He inhailed one of Ashers paws to nibble on his toes. His eyes going to the waking Bink and his paws kneeded at his legs in a gental rythem....he looked like a kitten drinking from a baby bottle and just as content."
James Binks-Rakosi arched a brow to the huge kitten face... kneeder?!?! Something just didn't add up. Cats THAT hufe didn't have kitten faces. "You... you are a strange looking cat. Are you lost from your exhibit?" His ears lowered and he scooted back into the rock wall, holding himself. "I couldn't help you much. I didn't know there was a zoo around here." He blinked and blushed faintly in after thought, "Maybe this forest is the zoo...?"
Asher blinked at his paw then wiggled it inside Adrik's mouth his face screwing up into a look of total "ewww!" before he rolled over onto his belly and tilted his head looking at Bink while one front paw twitched still. It was all slobbery now! Bink didn't seem too comfortable at the moment, almost.. scared. he figured it was about time to go anyway and stepped up to Bink, rubbing his head against his shoulder purring and trying to weasel it up under his chin before he turned away and looked at Adrik, his head tilting again and ears twitching then gave a small chirp and started away from Bink along the water's edge only to stop a few feet away and glance over his shoulder at them.
Adrik: "Pouted as best he could with kitty lips. He wanted that paw damnit! With Binks questioning though he looked at him, his eyes intelligant and shook his head. They werent from a Zoo, and this wasnt a zoo either. He pressed his face to Binks forehead and and flicked his tongue out once. Moving back he stretched out his large form, stood and stared Bink a few moments before walking over to Asher. Bink was awake now, it was safer for him..and maybe more dangerouse for them...in either case, the Blonde was better off awake, and it was time to go."
James Binks-Rakosi squeaked and laughed as both kitties snuggle and gave licks. He tried to pet at them, but failed miserably at it. So instead he stood, his body stilla littel sore and cranky to not be sleeping as he raised a hand to wave at them. "Bye bye Kitties!!" He giggled and waved. yeah... he was so lucky they couldn't speak at him right now. Othrwise he'd have died of fright.
Asher blinked at the giggling and wanted to move back, his ears perked forward then back and he chirped at Bink then lowered his chest down, chin touching his paws while his rear end wriggled back and forth, then he jumped and spun in the air and pounced Adrik's butt! With a playful merrow! then jumped away and darting down the riverside. But he turned and looked back at Bink, lifting a paw to wave back at him.
Adrik: "Mewed! Butt pounced he jumped in the air, furr poofed and he spun to chew on a cheeta tail. He paused tail in mouth as Asher waved at Bink and waved a paw too...then with a smirk, picked Asher up in his mouth by the scruff and padded off with him like a momma and her kitten a few paces before letting him go and belly flopping on the smaller cat with a triumphant preening purr."
James Binks-Rakosi looked down at himself. He was covered in cheetah and tiger fur... saliva.... and grass stains. "Oh nooo/// now Jehan's really going to know I've been out here without permission!" He whined, not wanting him to find out and explain why he went to the woods without him. He still hadn't explained why he was slightly avoiding the vampire. His ears lowered and he sighed, " I know! If I hurry I can shower... aa-a--and... throw away my clothes so he can't smell them!" Squeaking to himself in joy he darted off towards the city, planning on doing just that.
James Binks-Rakosi made it to the top of the slope and hopped over the railing onto the walk way. The Iron count in it was light, thanks to the fear of cars smashing into it and minimal damages. His hands were rash free! Running down the path he skid across the concrete and bumped into the railing on a turn and nearly toppled right over it. He gathered his bearing quickly and ran down until he passed over the main overpass. there was no short way to get to a catacombs entrance... except. HE stopped o nteh walkway and stared at the glowling light of Fang bangers. The suin was setting. He HAD to hurry. He gulped and took a deep breath, jumped another railing and ran like mad across the HIGHWAY to the other side... yeah.. he was planning on jumping over that railing too and down a good story to the ground. He was paniced. Logic left him ages ago!
James Binks-Rakosi hit the railing on the opposite end as a car whizzed and honked at him as it veered passed. He was panting, his heart was racing but he had no time to wait! He looked about for the easiest hop and found it in the most unlikely way. He ran down along the railing to where the slope began. He whimpered nervously and hopped the railing, landing with a thud and an unexpected alarm blaring as he hit and rolled across the hood of the cop car parked before the station. Bink nkew he was in for it now, but he wasn't going to wait for punishment! human law was nothing compared to vampire punishments!! He rolled off the car and scrambled to his feet making a mad dash across the open parkway to a unhappy lookin Tao. He held the door open for Bink and did swat him upside his head as he ran past. Mean Ole tao. He'd probably tattle on him later.
James Binks-Rakosi stopped running once he hit the inside of fang bangers. It was still too early for a crowd to have gathered an mostly staff lifted their heads to wave a dirty and flustered Binky. He waved them off quickly, not thinking that he still hadn't put on his glamour as he jog and half scampered towards the back room to get home and into that shower before Jehan woke up. Alejandro Did try and reach out to grab Bink's arm and pull him over more ou of curiousity and concern for his look, but Bink was too goal driven and little and evaded that grabbing!
James Binks-Rakosi patted the back door for it to be opened then blinked. "Shit...." He whispered to himself. Jeanette hadn't woken up for the night either. He was stuck there with his cat haired, cat licked, grass and car dust stained self until she woke and open the door. He slapped his hand on the back door bitterly and suddenly felt the need to cry. He'd be in so much trouble. He knew it!
James Binks-Rakosi squeaked as Alejandro cleared his voice and shook the keycard in his hand. 'want in?' he teased and pointed to Bink's face. 'Explain first.' Bink sighed out and gave a shrug. "I went out and got dirty... and I need to shower and I can't get in!" Alejandro shook his head. 'Not that.. .ears.' He winked. 'You need to be more careful with your little hidey show there'. He teased Bink and slid the card through the door, chuckling as it opened, 'go change, cutie.' He would have ruffled his hair again, but it was too sticky from cat licking, so he passed. thank goodness! Now all clear, Bink shouted his thanks and ran into the backroom and slipped down into the catacombs safe and sound!
James Binks-Rakosi stripped!!! in the halls of the catacombs and srteaked down corridorsm discarding clothing into areas he knew trash went and no one would look for things. He only kept the importants... wallet, keys, and phone. The rest.. in disposals! bare feet padded ackwardly on the floor as he ran all the way to the door and fumbled with the keys. He looked down at his phone for the time, whimpering that he needed to move faster. "..too close.. tooo close..." and he boucned in place. His body was realyl cranky now and the half sleepy brain wasn't helping any. He was probably hurt more than he let on too, but with his adrenaline pumping as fast as it was. He couldn't feel a thing!.... yet. The door clicked and he tumbled inside, closing and locking it quickly before makign a mad dash to the bathroom!!
with the water as hot as he could tolerate Bink sank into its depths and blew out on its surface to watch the ripples shake the rubber duckies floating o nteh water. It was quiet as a grave in the apartment, save for the pounding o his heart. as it slowed, the world grew quieter still. But his senses were alive. His muscles were twitching, his knees were now throbbing from the shock of landing.. on car hood. He whined to the cut he had on his left leg just below the knee from his tumbling and the bruise on his arm from landing ackward from his car hood tumble. He groaned as he sat up, fighting back the achy muscle as he poured out shampoo lathered up and strarted to scrub out his hair.
James Binks-Rakosi slipped out from the tub, wrappign a large towel around himself and another to tossle his hair about. It had felt good just sitting inthe tub, but climbing out was another story entirely. His body grumbled in pain andmuscle fatigue as he waddled about, drying himself, setting towels into their proper places... poking at Rubber Duckies. He got the first aid kit from the medicine cabinet and pulled out the perocide and a cooton swap. He tended to his cut, drawing in breath and wincing to the bubbling pain. He bounced and flailed around the bathroom until it stopped and sealed hismelf up with a happy colorfu; bandaid. He didn't have anythign for the bruise. He just knew to take it easy and it'd be fine. so he packed up the kit and hid it away again, safe and sound,
James Binks-Rakosi crawled out of the room and went upstairs, gathering up a clean pair of boxers, a overly big and long jacket and a Mon Cher. He put on the boxers and Jacket and cradled a mon cher all the way back downstairs to the bean bags. Curling up on the bean bags he snuggled his kitty and sighed as he tried to lose his thoughts in reading to a cat.
Jehan rose for the night to find the bed side near him long cold. If ever it had been warmed during the day at all . He frowned slightly at that and llifted his head to listen for sounds in the residence. Catching that heartbeat and the soft words as he read aloud. That at least made him smile soflty and he dressed then moved downstairs as he tied up his hair . Moving to the beanbags he offered a soft greeting." Good evening my heart. How are you two this night?
James Binks-Rakosi peered up tothe sound of jehan's words and took Mon cher into his arms. "Morning, Jehan." He smiled though he did give an unsettling look over Jehan's chosen.. attire. "..you.. going hunting tonight?"
Jehan tilted head a bit to the side at Bink's question and then looked down at himself. He considered then ran fingers across his stomach" Hunting? I haven't hunted in a long time. I was jsut dressing for the club " he glanced up at him " you don't like it?
James Binks-Rakosi lowered his ears and shruged, careful not to hurt Mon Cher as he moved. "No, it's not that. It just looks like the armors and leathers you always wear when you hunt. I am sorry I assumed." He looked down then, nuzzling at the top of Mon Cher's head. She in response looked and hissed at Jehan in her customary good morning
Jehan glanced to the cat and wiggled fingers at her . He had learned long ago not to hiss back. It didnt work anyway . Moving over closer to Bink he crouched near him . " I don't hunt unless directed to . Not with having you with me . I don't need to . I have never even spoken to those here about such things and I have not really intended to . I don't want to risk being taken from you " he reached out meaning to brush back that damp hair from his face.
James Binks-Rakosi didn't flinch or lean into the touch. He just kept his eyes on a squirming kitty. She was the one that moved the most to his touch. she playfully bat his hand. "oh.. Ok, Jehan."
Jehan considered him for a long moment as he let fingers linger on his hair . HE even slightly played with the cat for a few seconds letting her nom figners finally he jsut came out and asked," Bink....Have I made you afraid of me?
James Binks-Rakosi lowered his ears tot he words. He didn't want to talk about this now. He didn't want to talkabout it ever. he didn't want to look up. He didn't want to be there. He wanted to cry. He wanted to be gone. he wanted to curl up in a hole and rot. "... yes." He hated himself, but he knew what Jehan asked jehan got. He couldn't refuse him anything, even answers. HE was jehan's Pomme. He was Jehan's everything.
Jehan had a dark glitter in his eyes. But it wasn't hunger or anger or any of that . It was a gathering of unshed tears. His voice whispered hoarsely as he tried to hold them back," Bink.. I would not hurt you . I ..thought I had assured you oif that so long ago. "
James Binks-Rakosi nodded weakly, "I know what you told me Jehan. I trust you. You're all I got." He smile as he focused in on Mon Cher, scritching her ears and keeping his face clsoe to her for comfort.
Jehan watched him and slowly shook his head," but...if you trusted that I would not hurt you...why are you afraid that I will?
James Binks-Rakosi shrugged, "because you won't hurt me. That is why I trust you. you won't hurt me. But I still fear you. But I know you won't hurt me."
Jehan stroked a figner along Bink's cheek," I ...am confused , love. Pllease help me here. If you know I will not hurt you , then why are you afraid of me?
James Binks-Rakosi kissed Mon Cher's head as she chewed on the book's edge. "YOu are a bad man.
Jehan. Yet you are good. But you are also bad. It terrifies me."
Jehan settled down from his crouch to sit crosslegged in front of Bink," How am I bad bink? So I can understand your reasoning and your fear
James Binks-Rakosi was shaking and clinging to Mon Cher. Mon Cher didn't know what was gonig on but clearly she was having her fill of the attention. She squirmed and yowled to get away but bink didn't want her to leave. Even if it meant her cutting him, he'd hold her close. "You are a bad man like Mr. Chaika is a bad man."
Jehan stiffened at that and then slowly relaxed again," I ..I dont think I am that much like Morion. You are..refering to what happened with Aydryan though, yes?
James Binks-Rakosi shuddered and hugged onto the unhappy cat. Most other feline would have clawed their way to freedom. Mon Cher merely mewled her distaste. "...don't make me talk about this, jehan..." his voice was hoarse and whispered. it was all he had the energy to do. He shut his eyes tight and cradled Mon Cher to him and slowly began to rock.
Jehan sat back and folded his own arms about himself as he looked down at the buckles on his boots," I...I'm sorry that I made you see it. That I involved you , Bink. I just wanted to make him happy .
James Binks-Rakosi nodded, his eyes shut tight. He couldn't fight them, but tears slipped down his face. Tears he wished would never have been. His throat was tight and dry, breath was having difficulty coming out let alone words, so he just remained huddled to Mon Cher and prayed the feeling would pass quickly.
Jehan lifted a gloved hand to lightly touch that face again then dropped his gaze a moment before he pulled his hand back to start tugging off that glove, " I am sorry I have made you sad, my love." he paused as that bare hand reached for him again and he stared at his own fingers and quickly pulled his hand back as he muttered softly," I'll...I'll go get you a glass of water and a towel .." slowly he stood.
James Binks-Rakosi " I... I am fine, Jehan." He smiled faintly. "I just want to.. sit here and read to Mon cher, if that is alright with you?" he loosened his hold on the kitten and she meowed her relief. she didn't go far, but curled about his neck at the top of the bean bag.
Jehan slow nodded and glanced back at him ," ok... love.. If you need anything.. you can call ..I ..I will be down at the club for a little bit . give you a little time...with Mon Cher
James Binks-Rakosi nodded again and gave jehan a smile. He still wouldn't look at him though. "OK, jehan. Be safe."
Jehan slowly tugged that glove back on as he watched Bink. That smile.. no matter how distant.. still made his heart ache. He took in a small breath and whispered," you too.. Mon Cher take care of him ..." and then slowly moved off to the door
mon cher hissed her reply as she busied herself with cleaning her smooshed fur. Bink sat there staring down at the book now in his lap for so long that his visions began to blur from his tears. He cried on throwing the book off him to curl into the bean bag. Sobbing he paused only to look up at Mon Cher whom had stopped cleaning herself to watch him. "i'm sorry, Mon Cher.. i ... I don't feel.. like reading to you... anymore... forgive me..." And his voice was lost in the sob as his thoughts and he cried his heavy heart out.
once his tears were spent he lay against the bea bag. he tried to nuzzle it, but it was salty and soggy from his tears and gave no comfort. disappointed in this he stood and moved about the apartment, going from corner to corner seeking out things to clear his mind, but nothing helped. Eventually he wound up at the bedroom by the computer desk. he moved to the computer tapping the mouse to awaken the screen. He fiddled with a few programs until the writer program opened. he typed a few random letters in long repitition, like As..... then Qs... the number 4. He eraed each and eventually typed out, "I so desperately want to stop breathing but I can't bring myself to do it. does this make me a coward? am I really going mad again... I think I need to be beaten senseless. I'll stop feeling.' He stared at the words, sighed deeply and deleted those as well. No comfort in that either...
James Binks-Rakosi eventually had it with the apartment, the scents, the pictures.. the feelings.. the emptiness. He threw off his jacket long enough to pull on the first shirt he found and a pair of jeans. Throwing back on his jacket, he shoved his phone alone into an big floofy pocket and left the apartment. No keys, no id, no shoes. The floor was cold and his hair was still damp, but he needed to get out. He needed away. He needed far away from everyone and everything. But he didn't know this city. He didn't know anyone, save for those that called teh catacombs their home. He was sick of the dead, sick of the pain. Sick of their need for it... for blood. He was sick of living himself. But he couldn't do so.. here... not here. He slipped up the first exit to the catacombs, and climbed te steps up to the surface, the night sky. Always night. He hated the night. its all he ever really saw anymore.
James Binks-Rakosi he walked along the side walk, his eyes glazed and down cast towards the ground. He forgot his glamour, wasn't sure he could hold it up anyway if he tried. He just walked. Walked back to the forest. Least there he could find somethign to distract him.. to take his mind off his life so that for a moment he could pretend it never happened, living. that he could just enjoy serenity. was that so wrong to want...
James Binks-Rakosi rounded the corner to the last turn in the road. it was jsut straight walking from here. He hands wer stuffed into his pockets as he moved. the shadows for once not even causing him a moment of pause. if He was watching, he'd gladly let him. Let Him eat the pain, drain him dry. Maybe he'd die this time. WOuld it matter? Would He care... He tripped over his feet and smashed into the grass at theedge of town. Yelping he rubbed his bruised arm and sighed out, "perfect... why not just break your leg while you're at it James..."
James Binks-Rakosi walked up the grassy hills, taking his eyes from the ground to look up at the sky. He sighed and crossed his arms about his chest. Part of him wised the blue was lighter and the light brighter. He never thought how he'd miss sunshine until he needed some in his life. He seemed to be the living sunshine for everyone else that he forgot all living things, himself included needed light. How could one live without it?
James Binks-Rakosi he kept close enough to the town that he could still make out buildings and street lights, but he was far enough that the air smelled nothing but natural. his ears folded back as he sighed and to his disappointment, began to cry again. He hated this crying. The more he hated, the more he cried and the more he hated himself. Nasty vicious cycle that crying game!
James Binks-Rakosi curled up at the base of a tree and watched the city. He watched it like the buildings would move. Like they would alight in flame or wave... he wasn't sure which.
James Binks-Rakosi clung back towards the shadows of the tree as the woman passed below. He inhaled and held his breath, afraid of being seen. He had no glamuur and feared the movement it would take to draw up his hoodie to hide his ears and cover his eyes in shadows. He got lucky as she walked on passed and he let out that held breath in relief. One less problem averted, having to explain to a paniced person why he looked like a freak show
James Binks-Rakosi settled back into the roots of the tree He nuzzled the back of his head against it and sniffled. "Stupid tears.." he fumed as indeed mroe tears fell. every time he thought he was out of tears more came. More and more until all he had left was his tears. ".. i hate myself... I hate this because of myself!" he spoke the words in the shadowed sanctuary he had found for himself.
Jehan walked the streets of Wood Bourne. He checked every place Bink would normally go, and it wasn't many places. After that he went back and followed every possible path to these places to find him. As he neared the underpass entrance to Old Towne, he saw Bink in the distance against a tree. A human wouldn't be able to see him, but he could. He walked towards that curled form without any aid to hide. He didn't want to hide.
James Binks-Rakosi looked up at Jehan's approaching form. He felt his chest grow heavy but at the same time, he smiled lightly. As Jehan neared, his voice came out incredibly soft, but regardless he knew the vampire would hear him. “I love how I can see your eyes in the darkness. Most other beings are scary, but yours aren't. I know when I see yours its you and its safe.”
Jehan knelt down before Bink and reached out to try and pet his cheek. “Do you really think I'm safe, my heart?”
James Binks-Rakosi lowered his head, but he didn't fight the hand away as it stroked his cheek. “Yes and no. it... it is confusing to look at you.” He shuddered then and held onto his chest. “look.. I'm sorry I told you that you scared me.”
Jehan smiled sadly, “ You meant it.”
James Binks-Rakosi shrugged, “yes, but i'd take it back if I could.” He swallowed the growing lump in his throat and curled his bare toes into the grass. “Jehan... would you be mad at me if I said that I loved you, but I can't trust you right now?”
Jehan lowered his hand reached for Bink's arms to pull them from him and take ahold of the blonde's hands in his own.“I can't be mad at you for telling the truth, because I want you to. As much as I want to make you happy I have to know when you're not happy. I don't want you to lie that you're happy.”
James Binks-Rakosi let his arms be moved even as a bit of tears formed again in his eyes.“But I am your Pomme. It's my job to be all that you want and need, even if I don't like it. I am failing and I'm sorry.” He sniffled and made a grumpy face, “and I.. really really hate tears.”
Jehan smiled softly at him and lean in to kiss a tear, “You're my mate first and Pomme after that. If I wanted only a robotic blood doll I'd go roll somebody.”
James Binks-Rakosi couldn't help the tensing as he was kissed coupled with the response, “ ...but you have...rolled me... and Mr. Chaika too many times so that I can be here with you. I... I don't understand.”
“I never rolled you to make you be with me.” Jehan said as he gently pet his hair. “ I know Morion did though. To make you be what he thought was best for me. I was in love with you before any of that happened.”
James Binks-Rakosi sniffled again and chewed on his lower lip abit, “ is that why.. .i don't really remember it all?”
Jehan nodded a bit thoughtfully, “I was going crazy trying to make you happy as he was hurting you. Morion thought he could take away all the pain. But he took away all that was you with the pain. And I scared myself earlier because I almost did it too.”
James Binks-Rakosi nodded, his eyes closed tightly. He thought he even squeezed Jehan's hands but feeling was hard for him to grasp. “Then I really not the person you fell in love with originally, am I...?”
“yes you are the person I fell in love with. There are just some parts that we're both relearning.” Jehan stood and tried to scoop up Bink into his arms. “that is part of being together. Its my way of trying to help you too.”
James Binks-Rakosi tensed again, but allowed himself to be held. He even clung back to Jehan but it wasn't entirely the same. “We don't feel the same Jehan. Why don't we?”
“Because right now we are being careful of one another.You're afraid of me and I'm afraid for you.” He walked him back into town and toward a catacomb entrance nearby.
James Binks-Rakosi sniffled softly, “ I can be scary too... just not right now. I have tears and they are stupid.”
Jehan smile and buried the smile against his hair. “but I don't want to be afraid of you Bink. Then you'll compete with Mon Cher hissing at me.”
James Binks-Rakosi giggled faintly as Jehan went to open the entrance way for them both, “No... Mon Cher scary is a whole nother thing altogether. She is kitten scary.”
James Binks-Rakosi hummed as he walked, keeping to the hills of the forest and the sound of water falling as he made his way to the falls. He wasn't going to swim, but he needed the hushed roar of the water as it crashed down onto stone and itself. He just needed to relax and hopefully doze off finally.
James Binks-Rakosi sighed as he appraoched as near to the falls as he could. his ears fanned back as he sat on the moist grass and curled up. He didn't bother with his glamour alone. It helped conserve his energy. Smiling he lay there and listened to the falls and watched the water until his eyes grew heavy and sleep came. Dreamless calming sleep of mild exhaustion
Asher moved down to the water edge and drank then turned his head blinking at the figure curled up near the waterfall. Kitty brows furrowed for a moment glancing back at the Tiger before he started creeping closer to the sleeping figure.
Adrik: "Was...splashing! He looved water. He hadnt noticed anyone at first. He was dive bombing off the small hill and hopping threw water until he saw Asher creeping up on a sleeping...uh oh. Grunting and mowing at the cheetah he signaled to give the man a bit of space....waking up to preditors in your face was a bit...well 'Ahh!'"
James Binks-Rakosi there was no spider sense for Bink. There was no feeling. the mist of the falls was already making his hair damp and the coolness of the stone against his smooshed face. He didn't even sleepy babble at teh stone, and that alone said something about his tiredness!
Asher glanced over at Adrik and snorted then back at the sleeping figure, creeping up to him then dipping his head down against his back (or side) and nuzzled pushing against his side a bit with a soft purr snort, vivid blue eyes rolled up to watch the sleeping face. He didn't want to scare the guy, but he was worried about him too, but those ears had his eyes widening but he didn't back off.
Adrik: "Sneezed and shook his head at the cheetah...stubborn. He trotted from the water and wompt Asher pn the butt with a heavey paw. Not hard but it was there, and then pushed his side with his massive head. Course...curiousity killed the cat..even large ones! He sniffed towards blonde hair himself..where he didnt want to scare the kid..Asher had a right to be worried./..this wasnt exactlly normal...then...neither was Bink."
James Binks-Rakosi whinedas he was poked, he raised a hand to reach back and sleepily pat at Asher's head, murmuring in his now apparantly sleep talk banter, " ...no...no Mon Cher.... sleep now.. we'll have peanut brittle later..."
Asher chirped back at Adrik then , true to stubborn form, flopped down next to Bink on his side, has face going half smushed with the sleepy petting but he didn't seem to mind. His tail curled up and over Bink's legs, twitching against his shins.
Adrik: "Rolled his eyes. He made a soft warning growl to the cheetah. This wasnt food...he wanted to make that clear. Folding his back legs he too moved into a laying position, and his mouth hovered over the Cheetah's scruff to give a small pinch for emphasis. Releasing him he curled around both forms. The spray of the falls adding more water to the already wet tiger."
James Binks-Rakosi rolled over to the warm body and yawn nuzzled at the fur. He said something, but it was muffled and lost in cheetah fur. His long ear flicked twice as he cuddled against said cheetah and then... seemed to drift effortlessly back into his sleep.. partly on Asher now. He remained still in his sleepa moment longer... until his nose started wiggling. "...mon Cher.... did you let a puppy in... it smells like wet dog..."
Asher twitched and wiggled at the pinch against his neck, one paw rising up and bopping at the Tiger's neck before he was promptly semi squished with a chirp, but he was okay still, as long as the little guy didn't squeeze... He rolled his eye and craned his neck to look at him and blinked, recognizing him from tripping over him at the club. A little rearranging of his head and Adrik's, had Bink's on Adrik's head, and Asher's on his neck. Lifting his head he started licking at the wet fur faced Tiger, but not really noticing that he was also partially licking Bink's hair as well.
Adrik: "Balked, his fur fluffing. He was not a dog! Adrik made a calling sound as a bit of hurt pride slinked out. He reached nose poked the mans face and licked a rough tongue over his ear. Cheeky bugger. Being groomed lightly though he purred on an inhail. Loud and drawling His face snuggling into the two. One paw reaching to hold them closer."
James Binks-Rakosi whined and mumbled incoherently to the sticky wetness of cat tongue on his hair and wriggled in place to get more comfortable. his little hands went up to grab at the ginormous ear of adrik to yes.... nom it repeatedly. Normally ear would have been a pillow... or Jehan's finger, but tiger ear was just as good!
Asher continued to groom the wet fur and as a face shifted closer, so did his tongue, licking Bink from nose tip and up his forehead and through his hair, then "urp!" turned his head away and half gagged with an overly long hair got stuck in his throat. Shaking his head he went back to grooming the tiger's face. Short hairs and not long, much better!
Tobias Bailey sighed faintly as he gathered up all the strewn around feathers, lower lip jutted out in a genuine pout as he bundled up the sad, broken little things. Such a pity...and his backside stung like he'd sat on a bed of fire ants. Pullin' out a feather that wasn't ready to come out was about the same as yanking out a pencil-thick leg hair! He turned back up to scale the rock face, aiming to get to the other side before taking wing.
Adrik: "OOooh chewed ear. The tigers paws started kneeding at the other two forms with a much louder garggling grainy inward purr. His fur settled and the Tiger joined the grooming, the bonding. Long rough tongue skimming a tiny cheeta face and over a Bink Chin from the awkward angle. "Mrrrooow""
James Binks-Rakosi seemed content in his sleeping... until that deep mmrow came up. his ear perked up and his body still. That sound was too deep for Mon Cher. His eyes didn't open as he cautiously pulled his body away from fluffy warmth. He heard teh falls. he was still by them. He felt wet from the falls spray and... sticky... "ew...?" He muttered as he reached up to rub his cat licked hair. then came the inevidable cracking open of one eyes. The tri color glowing orb blinking blearily and was quickly joined by its companion as he squinted and tried to focus on the fuzzy form. But... it wasn't his eyes. They were indeed. Fuzzy. He gulped loudly and for a moment wanted to panic. RAT!! He then remember that rats don't purr.. or mmrow. He let out a sigh, but didn't get any less tense. "...i... I didn't know there was a zoo nearby..." Binky wasn't the brightest in detecting shifters.
Asher lifted his head when Bink started moving away and tensing up, vivid blue eyes blinking at him a moment before he shifted closer, but only to get off of Adrik's neck so that he could roll onto his back and paw at the air in his direction with a soft chirp. See? Harmless! But movement above the falls had his ears perking, his head tipping and eyes blinking, trying to figure out what that thing was.
Adrik: "Chuff laughed at paws wiggling in the air...he had the mental image of Asher going 'And this little piggy went to market..' He inhailed one of Ashers paws to nibble on his toes. His eyes going to the waking Bink and his paws kneeded at his legs in a gental rythem....he looked like a kitten drinking from a baby bottle and just as content."
James Binks-Rakosi arched a brow to the huge kitten face... kneeder?!?! Something just didn't add up. Cats THAT hufe didn't have kitten faces. "You... you are a strange looking cat. Are you lost from your exhibit?" His ears lowered and he scooted back into the rock wall, holding himself. "I couldn't help you much. I didn't know there was a zoo around here." He blinked and blushed faintly in after thought, "Maybe this forest is the zoo...?"
Asher blinked at his paw then wiggled it inside Adrik's mouth his face screwing up into a look of total "ewww!" before he rolled over onto his belly and tilted his head looking at Bink while one front paw twitched still. It was all slobbery now! Bink didn't seem too comfortable at the moment, almost.. scared. he figured it was about time to go anyway and stepped up to Bink, rubbing his head against his shoulder purring and trying to weasel it up under his chin before he turned away and looked at Adrik, his head tilting again and ears twitching then gave a small chirp and started away from Bink along the water's edge only to stop a few feet away and glance over his shoulder at them.
Adrik: "Pouted as best he could with kitty lips. He wanted that paw damnit! With Binks questioning though he looked at him, his eyes intelligant and shook his head. They werent from a Zoo, and this wasnt a zoo either. He pressed his face to Binks forehead and and flicked his tongue out once. Moving back he stretched out his large form, stood and stared Bink a few moments before walking over to Asher. Bink was awake now, it was safer for him..and maybe more dangerouse for them...in either case, the Blonde was better off awake, and it was time to go."
James Binks-Rakosi squeaked and laughed as both kitties snuggle and gave licks. He tried to pet at them, but failed miserably at it. So instead he stood, his body stilla littel sore and cranky to not be sleeping as he raised a hand to wave at them. "Bye bye Kitties!!" He giggled and waved. yeah... he was so lucky they couldn't speak at him right now. Othrwise he'd have died of fright.
Asher blinked at the giggling and wanted to move back, his ears perked forward then back and he chirped at Bink then lowered his chest down, chin touching his paws while his rear end wriggled back and forth, then he jumped and spun in the air and pounced Adrik's butt! With a playful merrow! then jumped away and darting down the riverside. But he turned and looked back at Bink, lifting a paw to wave back at him.
Adrik: "Mewed! Butt pounced he jumped in the air, furr poofed and he spun to chew on a cheeta tail. He paused tail in mouth as Asher waved at Bink and waved a paw too...then with a smirk, picked Asher up in his mouth by the scruff and padded off with him like a momma and her kitten a few paces before letting him go and belly flopping on the smaller cat with a triumphant preening purr."
James Binks-Rakosi looked down at himself. He was covered in cheetah and tiger fur... saliva.... and grass stains. "Oh nooo/// now Jehan's really going to know I've been out here without permission!" He whined, not wanting him to find out and explain why he went to the woods without him. He still hadn't explained why he was slightly avoiding the vampire. His ears lowered and he sighed, " I know! If I hurry I can shower... aa-a--and... throw away my clothes so he can't smell them!" Squeaking to himself in joy he darted off towards the city, planning on doing just that.
James Binks-Rakosi made it to the top of the slope and hopped over the railing onto the walk way. The Iron count in it was light, thanks to the fear of cars smashing into it and minimal damages. His hands were rash free! Running down the path he skid across the concrete and bumped into the railing on a turn and nearly toppled right over it. He gathered his bearing quickly and ran down until he passed over the main overpass. there was no short way to get to a catacombs entrance... except. HE stopped o nteh walkway and stared at the glowling light of Fang bangers. The suin was setting. He HAD to hurry. He gulped and took a deep breath, jumped another railing and ran like mad across the HIGHWAY to the other side... yeah.. he was planning on jumping over that railing too and down a good story to the ground. He was paniced. Logic left him ages ago!
James Binks-Rakosi hit the railing on the opposite end as a car whizzed and honked at him as it veered passed. He was panting, his heart was racing but he had no time to wait! He looked about for the easiest hop and found it in the most unlikely way. He ran down along the railing to where the slope began. He whimpered nervously and hopped the railing, landing with a thud and an unexpected alarm blaring as he hit and rolled across the hood of the cop car parked before the station. Bink nkew he was in for it now, but he wasn't going to wait for punishment! human law was nothing compared to vampire punishments!! He rolled off the car and scrambled to his feet making a mad dash across the open parkway to a unhappy lookin Tao. He held the door open for Bink and did swat him upside his head as he ran past. Mean Ole tao. He'd probably tattle on him later.
James Binks-Rakosi stopped running once he hit the inside of fang bangers. It was still too early for a crowd to have gathered an mostly staff lifted their heads to wave a dirty and flustered Binky. He waved them off quickly, not thinking that he still hadn't put on his glamour as he jog and half scampered towards the back room to get home and into that shower before Jehan woke up. Alejandro Did try and reach out to grab Bink's arm and pull him over more ou of curiousity and concern for his look, but Bink was too goal driven and little and evaded that grabbing!
James Binks-Rakosi patted the back door for it to be opened then blinked. "Shit...." He whispered to himself. Jeanette hadn't woken up for the night either. He was stuck there with his cat haired, cat licked, grass and car dust stained self until she woke and open the door. He slapped his hand on the back door bitterly and suddenly felt the need to cry. He'd be in so much trouble. He knew it!
James Binks-Rakosi squeaked as Alejandro cleared his voice and shook the keycard in his hand. 'want in?' he teased and pointed to Bink's face. 'Explain first.' Bink sighed out and gave a shrug. "I went out and got dirty... and I need to shower and I can't get in!" Alejandro shook his head. 'Not that.. .ears.' He winked. 'You need to be more careful with your little hidey show there'. He teased Bink and slid the card through the door, chuckling as it opened, 'go change, cutie.' He would have ruffled his hair again, but it was too sticky from cat licking, so he passed. thank goodness! Now all clear, Bink shouted his thanks and ran into the backroom and slipped down into the catacombs safe and sound!
James Binks-Rakosi stripped!!! in the halls of the catacombs and srteaked down corridorsm discarding clothing into areas he knew trash went and no one would look for things. He only kept the importants... wallet, keys, and phone. The rest.. in disposals! bare feet padded ackwardly on the floor as he ran all the way to the door and fumbled with the keys. He looked down at his phone for the time, whimpering that he needed to move faster. "..too close.. tooo close..." and he boucned in place. His body was realyl cranky now and the half sleepy brain wasn't helping any. He was probably hurt more than he let on too, but with his adrenaline pumping as fast as it was. He couldn't feel a thing!.... yet. The door clicked and he tumbled inside, closing and locking it quickly before makign a mad dash to the bathroom!!
with the water as hot as he could tolerate Bink sank into its depths and blew out on its surface to watch the ripples shake the rubber duckies floating o nteh water. It was quiet as a grave in the apartment, save for the pounding o his heart. as it slowed, the world grew quieter still. But his senses were alive. His muscles were twitching, his knees were now throbbing from the shock of landing.. on car hood. He whined to the cut he had on his left leg just below the knee from his tumbling and the bruise on his arm from landing ackward from his car hood tumble. He groaned as he sat up, fighting back the achy muscle as he poured out shampoo lathered up and strarted to scrub out his hair.
James Binks-Rakosi slipped out from the tub, wrappign a large towel around himself and another to tossle his hair about. It had felt good just sitting inthe tub, but climbing out was another story entirely. His body grumbled in pain andmuscle fatigue as he waddled about, drying himself, setting towels into their proper places... poking at Rubber Duckies. He got the first aid kit from the medicine cabinet and pulled out the perocide and a cooton swap. He tended to his cut, drawing in breath and wincing to the bubbling pain. He bounced and flailed around the bathroom until it stopped and sealed hismelf up with a happy colorfu; bandaid. He didn't have anythign for the bruise. He just knew to take it easy and it'd be fine. so he packed up the kit and hid it away again, safe and sound,
James Binks-Rakosi crawled out of the room and went upstairs, gathering up a clean pair of boxers, a overly big and long jacket and a Mon Cher. He put on the boxers and Jacket and cradled a mon cher all the way back downstairs to the bean bags. Curling up on the bean bags he snuggled his kitty and sighed as he tried to lose his thoughts in reading to a cat.
Jehan rose for the night to find the bed side near him long cold. If ever it had been warmed during the day at all . He frowned slightly at that and llifted his head to listen for sounds in the residence. Catching that heartbeat and the soft words as he read aloud. That at least made him smile soflty and he dressed then moved downstairs as he tied up his hair . Moving to the beanbags he offered a soft greeting." Good evening my heart. How are you two this night?
James Binks-Rakosi peered up tothe sound of jehan's words and took Mon cher into his arms. "Morning, Jehan." He smiled though he did give an unsettling look over Jehan's chosen.. attire. "..you.. going hunting tonight?"
Jehan tilted head a bit to the side at Bink's question and then looked down at himself. He considered then ran fingers across his stomach" Hunting? I haven't hunted in a long time. I was jsut dressing for the club " he glanced up at him " you don't like it?
James Binks-Rakosi lowered his ears and shruged, careful not to hurt Mon Cher as he moved. "No, it's not that. It just looks like the armors and leathers you always wear when you hunt. I am sorry I assumed." He looked down then, nuzzling at the top of Mon Cher's head. She in response looked and hissed at Jehan in her customary good morning
Jehan glanced to the cat and wiggled fingers at her . He had learned long ago not to hiss back. It didnt work anyway . Moving over closer to Bink he crouched near him . " I don't hunt unless directed to . Not with having you with me . I don't need to . I have never even spoken to those here about such things and I have not really intended to . I don't want to risk being taken from you " he reached out meaning to brush back that damp hair from his face.
James Binks-Rakosi didn't flinch or lean into the touch. He just kept his eyes on a squirming kitty. She was the one that moved the most to his touch. she playfully bat his hand. "oh.. Ok, Jehan."
Jehan considered him for a long moment as he let fingers linger on his hair . HE even slightly played with the cat for a few seconds letting her nom figners finally he jsut came out and asked," Bink....Have I made you afraid of me?
James Binks-Rakosi lowered his ears tot he words. He didn't want to talk about this now. He didn't want to talkabout it ever. he didn't want to look up. He didn't want to be there. He wanted to cry. He wanted to be gone. he wanted to curl up in a hole and rot. "... yes." He hated himself, but he knew what Jehan asked jehan got. He couldn't refuse him anything, even answers. HE was jehan's Pomme. He was Jehan's everything.
Jehan had a dark glitter in his eyes. But it wasn't hunger or anger or any of that . It was a gathering of unshed tears. His voice whispered hoarsely as he tried to hold them back," Bink.. I would not hurt you . I ..thought I had assured you oif that so long ago. "
James Binks-Rakosi nodded weakly, "I know what you told me Jehan. I trust you. You're all I got." He smile as he focused in on Mon Cher, scritching her ears and keeping his face clsoe to her for comfort.
Jehan watched him and slowly shook his head," but...if you trusted that I would not hurt you...why are you afraid that I will?
James Binks-Rakosi shrugged, "because you won't hurt me. That is why I trust you. you won't hurt me. But I still fear you. But I know you won't hurt me."
Jehan stroked a figner along Bink's cheek," I ...am confused , love. Pllease help me here. If you know I will not hurt you , then why are you afraid of me?
James Binks-Rakosi kissed Mon Cher's head as she chewed on the book's edge. "YOu are a bad man.
Jehan. Yet you are good. But you are also bad. It terrifies me."
Jehan settled down from his crouch to sit crosslegged in front of Bink," How am I bad bink? So I can understand your reasoning and your fear
James Binks-Rakosi was shaking and clinging to Mon Cher. Mon Cher didn't know what was gonig on but clearly she was having her fill of the attention. She squirmed and yowled to get away but bink didn't want her to leave. Even if it meant her cutting him, he'd hold her close. "You are a bad man like Mr. Chaika is a bad man."
Jehan stiffened at that and then slowly relaxed again," I ..I dont think I am that much like Morion. You are..refering to what happened with Aydryan though, yes?
James Binks-Rakosi shuddered and hugged onto the unhappy cat. Most other feline would have clawed their way to freedom. Mon Cher merely mewled her distaste. "...don't make me talk about this, jehan..." his voice was hoarse and whispered. it was all he had the energy to do. He shut his eyes tight and cradled Mon Cher to him and slowly began to rock.
Jehan sat back and folded his own arms about himself as he looked down at the buckles on his boots," I...I'm sorry that I made you see it. That I involved you , Bink. I just wanted to make him happy .
James Binks-Rakosi nodded, his eyes shut tight. He couldn't fight them, but tears slipped down his face. Tears he wished would never have been. His throat was tight and dry, breath was having difficulty coming out let alone words, so he just remained huddled to Mon Cher and prayed the feeling would pass quickly.
Jehan lifted a gloved hand to lightly touch that face again then dropped his gaze a moment before he pulled his hand back to start tugging off that glove, " I am sorry I have made you sad, my love." he paused as that bare hand reached for him again and he stared at his own fingers and quickly pulled his hand back as he muttered softly," I'll...I'll go get you a glass of water and a towel .." slowly he stood.
James Binks-Rakosi " I... I am fine, Jehan." He smiled faintly. "I just want to.. sit here and read to Mon cher, if that is alright with you?" he loosened his hold on the kitten and she meowed her relief. she didn't go far, but curled about his neck at the top of the bean bag.
Jehan slow nodded and glanced back at him ," ok... love.. If you need anything.. you can call ..I ..I will be down at the club for a little bit . give you a little time...with Mon Cher
James Binks-Rakosi nodded again and gave jehan a smile. He still wouldn't look at him though. "OK, jehan. Be safe."
Jehan slowly tugged that glove back on as he watched Bink. That smile.. no matter how distant.. still made his heart ache. He took in a small breath and whispered," you too.. Mon Cher take care of him ..." and then slowly moved off to the door
mon cher hissed her reply as she busied herself with cleaning her smooshed fur. Bink sat there staring down at the book now in his lap for so long that his visions began to blur from his tears. He cried on throwing the book off him to curl into the bean bag. Sobbing he paused only to look up at Mon Cher whom had stopped cleaning herself to watch him. "i'm sorry, Mon Cher.. i ... I don't feel.. like reading to you... anymore... forgive me..." And his voice was lost in the sob as his thoughts and he cried his heavy heart out.
once his tears were spent he lay against the bea bag. he tried to nuzzle it, but it was salty and soggy from his tears and gave no comfort. disappointed in this he stood and moved about the apartment, going from corner to corner seeking out things to clear his mind, but nothing helped. Eventually he wound up at the bedroom by the computer desk. he moved to the computer tapping the mouse to awaken the screen. He fiddled with a few programs until the writer program opened. he typed a few random letters in long repitition, like As..... then Qs... the number 4. He eraed each and eventually typed out, "I so desperately want to stop breathing but I can't bring myself to do it. does this make me a coward? am I really going mad again... I think I need to be beaten senseless. I'll stop feeling.' He stared at the words, sighed deeply and deleted those as well. No comfort in that either...
James Binks-Rakosi eventually had it with the apartment, the scents, the pictures.. the feelings.. the emptiness. He threw off his jacket long enough to pull on the first shirt he found and a pair of jeans. Throwing back on his jacket, he shoved his phone alone into an big floofy pocket and left the apartment. No keys, no id, no shoes. The floor was cold and his hair was still damp, but he needed to get out. He needed away. He needed far away from everyone and everything. But he didn't know this city. He didn't know anyone, save for those that called teh catacombs their home. He was sick of the dead, sick of the pain. Sick of their need for it... for blood. He was sick of living himself. But he couldn't do so.. here... not here. He slipped up the first exit to the catacombs, and climbed te steps up to the surface, the night sky. Always night. He hated the night. its all he ever really saw anymore.
James Binks-Rakosi he walked along the side walk, his eyes glazed and down cast towards the ground. He forgot his glamour, wasn't sure he could hold it up anyway if he tried. He just walked. Walked back to the forest. Least there he could find somethign to distract him.. to take his mind off his life so that for a moment he could pretend it never happened, living. that he could just enjoy serenity. was that so wrong to want...
James Binks-Rakosi rounded the corner to the last turn in the road. it was jsut straight walking from here. He hands wer stuffed into his pockets as he moved. the shadows for once not even causing him a moment of pause. if He was watching, he'd gladly let him. Let Him eat the pain, drain him dry. Maybe he'd die this time. WOuld it matter? Would He care... He tripped over his feet and smashed into the grass at theedge of town. Yelping he rubbed his bruised arm and sighed out, "perfect... why not just break your leg while you're at it James..."
James Binks-Rakosi walked up the grassy hills, taking his eyes from the ground to look up at the sky. He sighed and crossed his arms about his chest. Part of him wised the blue was lighter and the light brighter. He never thought how he'd miss sunshine until he needed some in his life. He seemed to be the living sunshine for everyone else that he forgot all living things, himself included needed light. How could one live without it?
James Binks-Rakosi he kept close enough to the town that he could still make out buildings and street lights, but he was far enough that the air smelled nothing but natural. his ears folded back as he sighed and to his disappointment, began to cry again. He hated this crying. The more he hated, the more he cried and the more he hated himself. Nasty vicious cycle that crying game!
James Binks-Rakosi curled up at the base of a tree and watched the city. He watched it like the buildings would move. Like they would alight in flame or wave... he wasn't sure which.
James Binks-Rakosi clung back towards the shadows of the tree as the woman passed below. He inhaled and held his breath, afraid of being seen. He had no glamuur and feared the movement it would take to draw up his hoodie to hide his ears and cover his eyes in shadows. He got lucky as she walked on passed and he let out that held breath in relief. One less problem averted, having to explain to a paniced person why he looked like a freak show
James Binks-Rakosi settled back into the roots of the tree He nuzzled the back of his head against it and sniffled. "Stupid tears.." he fumed as indeed mroe tears fell. every time he thought he was out of tears more came. More and more until all he had left was his tears. ".. i hate myself... I hate this because of myself!" he spoke the words in the shadowed sanctuary he had found for himself.
Jehan walked the streets of Wood Bourne. He checked every place Bink would normally go, and it wasn't many places. After that he went back and followed every possible path to these places to find him. As he neared the underpass entrance to Old Towne, he saw Bink in the distance against a tree. A human wouldn't be able to see him, but he could. He walked towards that curled form without any aid to hide. He didn't want to hide.
James Binks-Rakosi looked up at Jehan's approaching form. He felt his chest grow heavy but at the same time, he smiled lightly. As Jehan neared, his voice came out incredibly soft, but regardless he knew the vampire would hear him. “I love how I can see your eyes in the darkness. Most other beings are scary, but yours aren't. I know when I see yours its you and its safe.”
Jehan knelt down before Bink and reached out to try and pet his cheek. “Do you really think I'm safe, my heart?”
James Binks-Rakosi lowered his head, but he didn't fight the hand away as it stroked his cheek. “Yes and no. it... it is confusing to look at you.” He shuddered then and held onto his chest. “look.. I'm sorry I told you that you scared me.”
Jehan smiled sadly, “ You meant it.”
James Binks-Rakosi shrugged, “yes, but i'd take it back if I could.” He swallowed the growing lump in his throat and curled his bare toes into the grass. “Jehan... would you be mad at me if I said that I loved you, but I can't trust you right now?”
Jehan lowered his hand reached for Bink's arms to pull them from him and take ahold of the blonde's hands in his own.“I can't be mad at you for telling the truth, because I want you to. As much as I want to make you happy I have to know when you're not happy. I don't want you to lie that you're happy.”
James Binks-Rakosi let his arms be moved even as a bit of tears formed again in his eyes.“But I am your Pomme. It's my job to be all that you want and need, even if I don't like it. I am failing and I'm sorry.” He sniffled and made a grumpy face, “and I.. really really hate tears.”
Jehan smiled softly at him and lean in to kiss a tear, “You're my mate first and Pomme after that. If I wanted only a robotic blood doll I'd go roll somebody.”
James Binks-Rakosi couldn't help the tensing as he was kissed coupled with the response, “ ...but you have...rolled me... and Mr. Chaika too many times so that I can be here with you. I... I don't understand.”
“I never rolled you to make you be with me.” Jehan said as he gently pet his hair. “ I know Morion did though. To make you be what he thought was best for me. I was in love with you before any of that happened.”
James Binks-Rakosi sniffled again and chewed on his lower lip abit, “ is that why.. .i don't really remember it all?”
Jehan nodded a bit thoughtfully, “I was going crazy trying to make you happy as he was hurting you. Morion thought he could take away all the pain. But he took away all that was you with the pain. And I scared myself earlier because I almost did it too.”
James Binks-Rakosi nodded, his eyes closed tightly. He thought he even squeezed Jehan's hands but feeling was hard for him to grasp. “Then I really not the person you fell in love with originally, am I...?”
“yes you are the person I fell in love with. There are just some parts that we're both relearning.” Jehan stood and tried to scoop up Bink into his arms. “that is part of being together. Its my way of trying to help you too.”
James Binks-Rakosi tensed again, but allowed himself to be held. He even clung back to Jehan but it wasn't entirely the same. “We don't feel the same Jehan. Why don't we?”
“Because right now we are being careful of one another.You're afraid of me and I'm afraid for you.” He walked him back into town and toward a catacomb entrance nearby.
James Binks-Rakosi sniffled softly, “ I can be scary too... just not right now. I have tears and they are stupid.”
Jehan smile and buried the smile against his hair. “but I don't want to be afraid of you Bink. Then you'll compete with Mon Cher hissing at me.”
James Binks-Rakosi giggled faintly as Jehan went to open the entrance way for them both, “No... Mon Cher scary is a whole nother thing altogether. She is kitten scary.”