Jaysen
New Member
F.K.A. Shizukiyo
Posts: 36
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Post by Jaysen on Aug 16, 2009 16:38:17 GMT -5
Weakling…
I can’t believe how weak I am, I can bench 250lbs! Yet I was completely useless. Jas was hurt, badly by a Mermaid, I can’t even wrap my mind around that. The wound was horrific…when it was there.
Sarah seemed to know what she was doing because Jas….changed. I don’t know if it was so fast I couldn’t see it, or my mind blocked it out. One moment my beloved was there lying on a couch bleeding from a bite to the next there is a TIGER growling in our living room.
From then on I can’t remember much. I think I was running, I remember someone grabbing me, I couldn’t shake then, their grip was like a vice, I still have bruises. I remember Jaded pacing, and I was sitting someplace dark. I saw the tiger again but only just before the vice returned and I was running again.
The shock or something kicked in, I remember falling feeling like I was spinning in my head. Nikul, he was there, he caught me. Next thing I know I wake up in this , what was it, a mansion? It was an amazing old place. I walked around the place a while before I went back to find a phone. I never did find anyone.
I had no idea how far out of tow I was. Ayd, and Hikaru showed up. Thank goodness for 411. They brought me to the Sanctuary to look for Jas, I knew she was hurt but all that blood. I’m thankfull I didn’t panic.
Ayd took me back to the apartment and I thought my heart would stop. Jas was there, sleeping on the daybed. She looked so peaceful, her wound was gone. I felt this weight just fall away, I didn’t realize it was there till it fell. All I wanted to do was be with her. She had a nightmare and woke screaming. My heart almost spasmed. I crawled up with her and took her in my arms and held her as close as I could.
I think that helped, she relaxed and seemed so angelic, gods I love her. We fell asleep in each others arm. How did I get so lucky? How can I protect her? I have to find a way.
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Jaysen
New Member
F.K.A. Shizukiyo
Posts: 36
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Post by Jaysen on Aug 16, 2009 16:53:36 GMT -5
Hikaru is in trouble, so are we…
The party was sort of a bust. We were having a decent time, a little quiet really. Jas was on stage with me so it didn’t matter if anyone else was there. The Master of the City showed up. I knew there was one in Wood Bourne but I never expected to actually see him. He told us that monster that made Hikaru is coming, looking for him. I only know a little of what happened from Jas but that is enough. AGAIN I can’t do ANYTHING! I can’t even hold my own against a shifter, let alone a psychotic vampire.
Sometime being a human seems so useless.
After Ra left, Jas tried to explain what was said. I still don’t think it makes sense. Sarah and Jade seemed to face off with Ra, but there wasn’t a fight. He said we needed to be united against this monster and that he needed our help. How can I help? Jas seemed unsure but she would do what she could. She said Ra can pull strength form people. No, not just people, shifters, like Jas. This scares me.
I don’t know what I’ve been doing to myself but I have lost some control over myself. I used to be able to judge my strength better than this, I suddenly was falling down fatigued. I didn’t dance that hard. I can’t believe Jas can simply pick me up like a kid and carry me to bed. I don’t know how to feel. Part of me thinks it’s sexy as hell, another part is embarrassed. The sexy part wins!
I fell asleep in her arms. I could stay there forever. Maybe we can try to get out of town or something. I would say we could go to the lake, it’s so beautiful there, but….Mermaids live there. I still can’t wrap my brain around that.
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Jaysen
New Member
F.K.A. Shizukiyo
Posts: 36
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Post by Jaysen on Aug 18, 2009 12:16:42 GMT -5
Who knows what can happen from moment to moment, one day I’m just a guy in love, the next I would litterally die for someone, and I am thinking I’m loosing my mind.
Ayane, that, creature attacked Jas. I don’t think I’ll be able to look at anyone here again and not suspect they are not what they seem. That doesn’t even scare me really. It’s just something I am taking for granted since I moved here, how long has it been? I seems like ages now.
Jaslene, my god I feel like she’s is in my blood now and if she were to leave me I’d die from her loss. Even that only scares me a little. What scares me is that, I don’t think I’m alone in my own head anymore. The dreams, those amazing vivid dreams, like none I’ve ever had before. Something in them lingers in my mind even while awake. It is usually quiet and I can almost forget it is there. That night with Jas, the night I became hers forever, it wasn’t quiet.
It took over and I couldn’t, no that’s not right, I didn’t want it to let me go. I am terrified. I think I could be going crazy. It’s NOT normal to have, whatever that is, in my head! I can’t tell Jas, I can’t bear her pulling away. Who can I trust that wont call the white van to take me away? Jaded?
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Jaysen
New Member
F.K.A. Shizukiyo
Posts: 36
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Post by Jaysen on Aug 19, 2009 14:39:06 GMT -5
I had the dream again only this time, it changed.
I woke up screaming, at least I was in my dream. I hope Jas didn’t hear me. What could it have meant?
Jas was upset that night. She had a fought and fired that Tarnek dude. I thought he was a bit strange but an OK guy, but he must have set her off. I almost went for a walk, it hurts to see her like that but sometimes I can’t stand up to her anger. I’d rather take myself out of there rather then make it worse. As luck would have it my charm won out. Ha! I’m such a dick!
Turns out she was freaking out over the scratch, more like claw marks, on my back. I didn’t know, hell it never even came to my mind that I could “catch” lycanthropy. I never even gave a thought to what that could mean. She bandaged me up while I slept. She got me a vaccine as well., I think she wants me to use it. But it was my choice. I don’t know if I’ll use it. I did some research and it says it only works if I am already infected. If I’m not, and I take it, I will end up infected by whatever was used to make it, mainly a Rat or a Wolf. Neither of those appeal to me. I think I’ll seek medical advice before I do anything.
She confided in me how she was changed. How she was attacked by someone she loved. Gods, she was so vulnerable, so scared, like she was reliving it! All I could do was hold her. How can I tell her I’m scared now? I know I’d die for her, no mistaking that. But to become, what? A Tiger? Does it hurt to change? Would I attack someone when I changed? I’m not sure I could live with the idea I hurt or even killed someone. But Jas, she IS a tiger, I can’t believe she’s going out on full moons killing people. I can’t believe it, I wont. I don’t think I could ask her if I did believe it was possible.
I haven’t gotten to talk to Jaded yet. She’s been a Wolf for a while now. I hope she can shed some light on what it’s like. Maybe she can help me figure out what the hell is in my head. I want to think I’m not going crazy, but isn’t that a sign you already are? I feel like I’m lying to Jas by not telling her all this but I can’t bring her anymore grief. She has enough without the one she loves dumping this on her. Yeah, she loves me.
I am scared shitless, but I think I’d gladly give up my humanity if it’d mean I could be with her. Why doesn’t THAT scare me???
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Jaysen
New Member
F.K.A. Shizukiyo
Posts: 36
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Post by Jaysen on Aug 22, 2009 21:43:38 GMT -5
Well, I think things went well.
We actually didn’t go to Southern California. I’m glad, I really didn’t want to face a plane ride. I can’t figure why it never occurred to me to visit the city. I mean, we are only a couple hour drive away. I think Jas enjoyed the drive more than I did. I’ll have to thank Tristan for teacher her to drive. Perhaps I can show him a certain geological feature in the woods.
I hope she didn’t notice my reaction to her driving skills. It was like a fucking roller coaster at times. I love her dearly, but damn, I want to wait a while before I get back into a car with her behind the wheel. I am sort of sorry I never learned to drive now. On second thought, scratch that, people are scary enough on foot.
The sights were amazing, and she was so happy, I love seeing her like this. She was finally able to just let loose. It was awesome to see. I think I handled it pretty well, though it was all so overwhelming. It made me remember why I avoid big cities in the first place. Thank god Wood Bourne is small enough to be an oasis.
We got home fairly early, the tensions seems to have lightened a little. Jas seems upbeat and is headed back to run the Bar. I am feeling a bit worn down. I told her it was just lack of sleep and that I’ll be fine. Truth is, I’m still worried about this thing that haunts my mind. Whatever it is, it’s quiet again, at least for now. I want to just up and tell Jas but I am so afraid of what it could mean. I have tried to find out if there was any family history of mental illness, but came up empty. If it wasn’t so real, so alive, I’d just say it was fatigue. But I know it’s real. I can feel it behind my eyelids at night, walking my dreams.
I think I may pass on that party tonight, I don’t think I’m up to seeing everyone, especially now. I feel exhausted. And that is when it seems to come to the surface. I am so tempted to get something from the bar. Maybe I can drown this thing and just sleep.
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Jaysen
New Member
F.K.A. Shizukiyo
Posts: 36
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Post by Jaysen on Aug 30, 2009 20:04:07 GMT -5
OK, where to begin?
It’s been a while since I wrote anything and all hell has been breaking loose these last few days. It’s all such a blur. I can at least get this written down.
First, I don’t think I like mermaids. Jas is freaked by them and I can’t say that I blame her. We had a run in with Ayane and a creepy set of twins. The little monsters were after Jas and Ra. Of all the things to wake up to, those things cornering The Master of the City and my girl in front of our new home. And me walking into the middle of it with nothing but a pair of cutoffs.
Jas had enough sense to get away while Ra was distracting two of the Mermaids. Ayane, though she changed her appearance, saw us but then did a b-line for Tid, Gods help him but it allowed us to get back inside. We spent the rest of the night hold up in our room. She was so scared it took all of my strength not to go down there with a blunt object and do a little “fishing”.
Oh, I have a beast. Or at least Jas and Gage say so. I’m not going insane after all. We have no idea how this is even possible. Gage thinks it’s my beast actually preparing me for my eventual change. I’m not sure how to take this. I should be scared out of my gourd, but I’m not.
What I am scared of is my beast coming out the way it did. It was like a fast moving blaze that comes up and swallows you. If not for Jas being able to distract me, I think I would have charged down there.
Did I mention Jas and I moved? After the bar, and our apartment, got trashed..AGAIN! Jas said we are gone! She’s even thinking of stepping away from the bar for a while. After all the Pack drama of the few days she needs a break. I actually agree. I also get her all to myself, so it’s not so bad.
I am a lucky bastard.
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Jaysen
New Member
F.K.A. Shizukiyo
Posts: 36
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Post by Jaysen on Sept 11, 2009 18:29:02 GMT -5
What a way to wake up.
I’m not sure why I haven’t written in here but, wow! I woke up and looked in the mirror. I thought I was still asleep. I still can’t wrap my head around it. I look like I am the lead singer in a Hair Metal band! I think I like it, a LOT. Hell I never got this definition in the gym. Jas told me why I looked so different. I’m a TIGER. I won’t be weak anymore. And the funny thing, I don’t feel bad about it. Not even a little, in fact, I am so happy I can’t stop smiling.
I think I shocked Jaslene. She was so scared I was going to hate her or something. Yeah, like that could happen. She is my everything, I’d die first before I’d hate her, I know that for absolutely sure. I can’t explain why but I know it. She says it was that scratch is what did it. Damn, I can’t stop smiling!
The one thing that sort of bugs me, I can’t remember anything, I mean, about shifting. Jas says it’s normal for new shifters to not remember the first few times. I can’t wait till I can remember. It’ll be a blast I can feel it!
A wonderful thing has happened on top of all this. My beast and me, we sort of , well, “met” sitting on a bathroom floor. He wrapped his power and love around me. I can’t think of any other way, I mean he’s a part of me now . And he loves Jas as much as I do.
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Jaysen
New Member
F.K.A. Shizukiyo
Posts: 36
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Post by Jaysen on Sept 11, 2009 19:00:57 GMT -5
I think something’s wrong with me.
I keep blanking out. I thought it was just my shifting but it’s happening again. Jas and I were hold up at the Pride House. She’s been feeling down since I woke up that morning changed. She says it’s not that, but I don’t know. We were cuddled up when Tarnek came by. He was asking her about something. I can’t think of what it was about.
Then, next thing I know I am breathless in some part of the Woods. I don’t know how I got there! Tarnek was there and he was breathless too. Said my beast took over and took me out there to keep from hurting anyone, or Jas. What the Fuck? I could never hurt her, but why was my beast taking over? And how the hell did I end up miles from home, on foot??
We walked most of the way back before I lost track of Tarnek and made it home. Jas wasn’t there. I started to panic a little and jogged back to town to the Sanctuary. Gods bless Wolfgang, that guy is a life saver. Jas can finally loose some stress thanks to that guy. He hadn’t seen her but suggested I talk to Dr. Tavian Galbraith, maybe he’d know. I got to the med and I open the door and it hits me like a shot to the face. Jas! I can …. I can’t word it, but. I knew her scent, I could, taste it. I don’t understand how I can do this. Is this the Tiger in me? The Doc said she broke her leg. I was shocked speechless. How the hell is this happening and I can’t remember a damned thing?
We took her home and set her up with a wheel chair, though Tavian says it won’t be long till she is up and walking. But, how, how did it happen? Why can’t I remember anything?
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Jaysen
New Member
F.K.A. Shizukiyo
Posts: 36
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Post by Jaysen on Sept 16, 2009 17:56:09 GMT -5
I don’t know where to begin, again. I’ve lost my habit of writing this down every night, I need to start doing it again, so much has happened. Hikaru left me at our room at the Pride House. I woke smelling Hikaru’s blood on me. Jas told me later he busted his stitches carrying me home from the woods the night I encountered a Fae. Hikaru said he was a Fae. Whatever he is he’s made me whole again. The nightmares aren’t as bad now.
When I awoke that night, Tarnek was talking to Jaslene. I could tell he was worried about her and was trying to help. She has had so much heaped on her these last few days. Not to mention dealing with a former amnisiac. What was to happen next, I am still reeling from. Our tigers met. Tarnek’s & Mine both reach out to Jas’s and the three…I can’t find the words. I’ve never felt so warm and safe before. I think we got through to her, it feels like we finally gave her something to hold on to. It was even stronger than it was with just Jas and me. All I know is Tarnek is family now. I can’t explain it any better then that.
We adopted a Cheetah. Izsac is like no shifter I’ve ever met before. He is so gentle, even timid yet is so completely comfortable with his beast. I am not sure what came over me but I wanted to keep him safe. I was lucky Jas felt the same way. The guy is adorable. We are even watching over this human kid with a death wish. What the fuck was he thinking doing a bicycle stunt off of the Sanctuary roof? Good thing he was passed out when the Goon Squad showed up.
They bust in on us at the Sanctuary, Gage in an uproar over Tarnek being in the Pride House. We didn’t know what was wrong but the three layed in on us bad. That bitch with the dark hair actually implied threats against Jas & me. I was so pissed I can’t recall everything said. My beast was actively adding support to Jas. It was almost like shifting so my memory is fuzzy on details but I do remember the emotions. It almost came to blows before Chelle did something. I can’t explain it but she basically smacked down all our beasts.
By the end of it I learned a very bitter truth. We are not just people trying to live out our lives. We are subject to laws and taboos that can get you killed if you break them. Until that night, I had no idea they existed. I did some cursory research and well, what I found makes me sick.
What’s worse it brought out a side of me I thought died when I was a kid. That hateful, lock out the world side I needed to survive the pain my so called family put me through. I snapped at Jaslene. I wanted to jump in that damned hole and never come back when I realized it. She told me something that made my heart seize in my chest. I wont write it down here, even now it hurts. She managed to bring me back to myself, that’s all that matters. I should be concerned another person can know me so well. I’m glad it’s her.
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Jaysen
New Member
F.K.A. Shizukiyo
Posts: 36
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Post by Jaysen on Sept 21, 2009 16:16:32 GMT -5
That tears it, I can’t leave home, ever!
I take a night walk, to clear my head. It was wonderful being out there, my new senses going bonkers. I fell asleep under a tree. You’d think chipmunks or something would cart me off but I’m blessed with dumb luck. Still, the stars were amazing.
I wasn’t awake more than a few moments when, well Aydryan called me to him. They told me once I was rolled, that was it. I never imagined how true that was. I was worried how Jas would take it. No I haven’t a clue. I remember I ran to town, not even knowing where I was going. I ended up in an office inside the Blue Lounge. Ayd and Hikaru were there, I didn’t know it until Ayd woke me up. It’s the only way I could describe it. Until he did that, I saw nothing or no one but him.
I guess Jas saw me because she had followed me there. What happened next. I don’t know how to put it. I mean I was there to “feed” Aydryan, and possibly Hikaru. I have accepted that and I don’t mind really. Ayd and Hikaru are a great guys so why not? Thing is, Jas came into it. I didn’t realize until she was right next to me. Ayd positioned me an Jas back to back, Hikaru facing Jas, Ayd, me. I am still blown away. I think I had sex, it was that intense. Something flowed through me, through all of us. My beast even went into bliss mode. I can’t be sure what happened but I had a puncture on my throat and had to change my pants when I got home.
Oh yeah, Home was my place. I had passed out after just managing a cramped but enjoyable shower with Jas. She spent that morning while she got dressed in my clothes to head to the Sanctuary to fill me in. Seems our “kid” Iszac, went shifter ape shit on the chief of police and that new officer that got Jas. The apartment is now a taped off crime scene! I have an odd feeling The Sanctuary is cursed. The only other possibility is Jas & I are shit magnets. I so fucking hope the place is cursed.
But seriously, every time I take a time out, shit happens. I think I may drag her with me from now on. Oh and I think she digs the haircut.
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Jaysen
New Member
F.K.A. Shizukiyo
Posts: 36
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Post by Jaysen on Sept 28, 2009 16:48:14 GMT -5
Things just keep changing..
Tonight was full of surprises, well mostly. Jas was up to her old patterns, I swear she should be a Trump by now working so hard. Well I was hoping to help her relax. I show up and what do I see but Tarnek, POLE DANCING! Yes Tarnek, pole dancing on the bar. I HAD to join him! I was having a blast!
Jas seemed to be enjoying it to. I was totally getting into it. Though Tarnek was a trip to watch he was actually flirting. And not with just anyone. Nereida! He was actually flirting with Nereida, the guy has a death wish. There was also this other woman he was talking to, not sure but I think she was a shifter. I think we had only one or two humans with us.
Later that night a Fae walked into the bar, I’m possitive he was a Fae . He was beautiful, is all I can say. I think everyone in the room felt his energy. He wasn’t there long though. Nereida was tiring of Tarnek’s banter I think because she was heading out. The bar was pretty much just us tigers at that point. But as she went to the door and opened it. Aurora stepped in.
Aurora, the vampire that scared me shitless before my turning. I think I realize why she scared me. My beast was already becoming a part of me long before I was infected. It felt Auroras power, her ability to call my beast to her aid. I wasn’t even aware of my beast yet so that whole pull was terrifying. I see it now. She isn’t scary, she is well, like a mother figure? I am still trying to figure it out.
Jas called me down from the bar to be introduced. Tarnek, he surprises the hell out of me. He actually was stand offish to Aurora. She claimed us all as “hers,” I’m not really bothered by this though. I mean my beast was cool with it. And more importantly Jas was cool with it. Her energy was so soothing, hell I think I purred. I’m not sure what really went on but Aurora left at some point.
Oh and my eyes shift randomly now. During my dancing or something they shifted to feline. I may need to keep shades handy. At least until I figure out what’s causing it.
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Jaysen
New Member
F.K.A. Shizukiyo
Posts: 36
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Post by Jaysen on Oct 22, 2009 17:43:18 GMT -5
The world has gone mad…. And I think I’m ok with it.
We may all die tomorrow if the Demon decides to attack again. Hikaru is working on a solution. May the gods aid him in this endeavor. The Dragon shifter I met a week or so back seems to be running amuck. He burned down the building housing the Blue Lounge, Dojo, Clinic, and Psychiatrists office. That damn lizard tried to eat Jas! Thankfully she got away. It scares me to think how close she came. I heard not everyone got out, Rolando died in the blaze.
The Master of the city and an unknown number of his group are leaving Wood Bourne for who knows how long. Hikaru and Aydryan are to become co masters of the city. They further blew me away by asking Jas and me to be their pomme de sangs. This is a huge honor among Vampires and I couldn’t say no. I’m still not sure what it will all mean or if I’ll live to see it all.
That’s why I did it. I wasn’t quite ready but given everything if something happened to Jas or me, I could not bear her not knowing how I felt. So in the church I asked her to be with me forever. She said yes!
I wanted to take her right there and run for it, go anywhere, New York, Vegas, Canada. But that thought died pretty fast. I know Jas loves this place, it’s her home. I’m scared for her, for myself, for everyone but we have to stay and fight. If we run, we will never stop. All I can do is be there for them but mostly for Jaslene. She is my center of existence, I know Sensei would chide me about attachments but he’s human too. All I know is I will never leave her of my own free will. I hope the fates see fit to grant us as much time together as possible.
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Jaysen
New Member
F.K.A. Shizukiyo
Posts: 36
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Post by Jaysen on Dec 12, 2009 20:50:10 GMT -5
Well this sucks.
I failed, or should I say my Beast and I? That’s the only way I can put it really. Jas has never, until tonight, resisted me. I hate seeing her like this. The stress is getting to her and it doesn’t have to. I guess understanding her anger is a job I need to work at.
I want to ask her to give up the bar, or at least let someone else run it. She doesn’t need to do it now. Thanks to Mr. Thompson’s skills and loyalty to my parents Jas is set for life. Even if my “adoring” family manage to get me, she’s secure. HA! Imagine their surprise when everything is already set over to Mrs. Jaslene Silvercloud!
I’ll talk to Hikaru and Ayd later and see if they can help me drive some sense into her. She has more important things to think about then whether or not we are stocked up on Vodka. And what the fuck is up with all the Fae recently?
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Jaysen
New Member
F.K.A. Shizukiyo
Posts: 36
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Post by Jaysen on Dec 12, 2009 21:09:31 GMT -5
( Last journal entry)
I am so stoked!
Jas thinks this could be the night! I will actually remember my shifting! I have been buzzing all day, And feel like I’m running a fever ha ha. I am going to celebrate with a night at Fang Bangers. I love my Tigress and dammit I’m going make her have fun! I can’t believe how lucky I’ve gotten finding her.
Oh man, I gotta make sure the outfit is clean.
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