Post by binkyboo on Aug 4, 2010 10:56:20 GMT -5
James Binks-Rakosi rearranged his plushies for the third time that day. Mon Cher slept on a pillow by his feet as he hummed a tuneless melody and set Peanut beside Wooby. "now play nice, you two..." He smiled and stood back, admiring his work. Wooby has more stuffing on his left than his right and so heavy and ill porportioned, he flopped over Peanut slapping the kitty plush in the face. Peanut in turn plummetted fro mteh third shelf and crashed onto the floor. Bink frowned and sniffled a bit as he took Wooby and shook the plushie. "What's wrong with you!?!?! Don't you kow its not nice to hurt others like that!!" He huffed and smashed him on the shelf. He looked to the other plushies, still scowling, " And what.. you're jsut going to sit there and do nothing..." He paused, staring down at Peanut as a few tears rolled down his cheek. "LIke me..." He sniffled and knelt by Peanut, cradling her into his arms. "I'm sorry peanut.... I taught them to be evil... I'm trying.. I'm trying not to be... but... I think i'm broken... and.. and I can't stop it. And its only hurting you more, isn't it? I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry for it all... really."
Jehan made his way back up the stairs quietly . No messages at Prick tonight. No other pressing business except the flashing email he was trying to ignore . He paused hearing Bink's sudden outburst . Brow furrowed lightly and he laid a hand on the stairs railing a moment as he considered what was said in light of recent events ." Bink..." the name was whispered softly before he moved over to his side and dropped the small bag of gumdrops as he moved to try and hug him," Bink my heart. you are not broken. you didnt hurt anyone. How can you feel you were wrong? I forced you there .
James Binks-Rakosi hadn't even realized Jehan was there until he was gathered in teh vampires arms. He sniffled loudly and wiped his eyes with his pajama sleeve. "it's not fair! You need to wear bells cause.. you don't breathe or anything!" he tried to laugh but it came out more sobbish. Still there was a half a smile. "... I should have said something! I could have said no. I could have asked to go elsewhere and wait! But I just stodo there and did nothing. I stayed and was part of it... I don't want to be evil, Jehan. I don't want to be liek Morion." He sobbed softly. "I don't want you too either. I want to live! I... I promised you I would live for you.. but I.. it's hard..."
Jehan sighed softly and nuzzled at Bink for a long moment before he lifted his head to offer a faint smile," you , beloved..could never be like Morion. He would never do such things out of a missguided attempt to help someone as I did. I mean .. I know it was wrong of me to take you with me. I should have realised when you retreated emotionally and shut yourself down how bad I was hurting you .
James Binks-Rakosi nuzzled into Jehan's shoulder. ".. I'm sorry I didn't speak... i'm sorry... i'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you.. I'm sorry.. i get sick... I'm sorry I'm not human...." he was crying and clinging to Jehan's arm, his ears curlign about his own head as best they could.
Jehan kissed lightly across Bink's face and nuzzled at the tears," Silly Bink. You are what I want . You are great. I love you for being you . and.. jsut because you are not human does not mean you are any less you .
James Binks-Rakosi sniffled as he was kissed and pouted his lower lip out a bit, "Yet you still have to go and please others to help yourself. I.. i'm not enough for you. I can understand that... respect it even, but...I.. I'm not sure if I like it. and not knowing how I feel bothers me even more. I still think I'm broken Jehan... I've never been fixed. I don't think I ever will be."
Jehan licked at that pouty lip. IT was not too safe for him to nip at it not right this moment at least. " Bink...it is ok not to like such things. That is having feelings. ITs like.. how possessive of you I am myself. You can look at yourself as broken...or as a clean slate. Not many get a chance to start over and be aware enough to make themselves how they want to be. You can sit there and try to let me shape you into my own little doll . and you will pretend you are happy till you fall apart worse. or we can work together to keep you where what makes you feel right. not always happy ..but right. Maybe I can never have that bond with you that a human servant has..but Bink...way I see it.. you are more and more fae, yes? That makes it more and more likely you are immortal. I don't have to worry that I will lose you to time alone. We have time
James Binks-Rakosi sniffled, " even if you get some animal that can hear and feel you more than I ever can... or another human... you still think jsut knowing I'll love forever is enough for us?" he clung to Peanut and shook his head lightly, " I know how you always wanted soemthing liek Morion and Azzy had, Jehan. Its one of your oldest dreams. You wanted me to be that, and I can't.. I jsut can't. I let your dream down... and I'll be the one suffering for it when someone else comes along to make your dream happen for you...."
Jehan ran figners through his hair gently and studied him," Bink I chose you . I chose you as surely as any can choose someone. I am here for you and I wont do anything to hurt you like I did again. I will pay better attention to that so that you never have to see such a thing . Besides..and jsut to reassure you ... There isnt anything that has told us what we cannot have yet. I can tell you a secret ..." he thought for a long moment then smiled crookedly," There was a fae..that had Morion convinced he was his human servant..for centuries.Now it was done in trickery somehow..but ..I think that it also shows that there is some sort of way that it can be for real. IF that is what we want.
James Binks-Rakosi he sniffled but he lifted his head and gave a weak smile to jehan. "You really believe that?" His smile broadened. It sounded too far fetched, but he knew it was meant to make him smile and he did have faith in Jehan, even if he doubted himself in that. "I'm not sure... I can believe that... but... " he laughed sadly and lowered his head, " I wanted to say 'but I trust you', but I think I'll be lying. I don't know anymore. are you -sure- I'm not broken?"
Jehan thought for a long moment but he nodded," yes I do believe in it and I do believe in you . I know I broke your trust. and trust is the ahrdest thing to earn. Because it should be earned not jsut given. and you know..I think it is a good thing that you can stop yourself from saying something till your really know if it is true. Truth is important to you .
James Binks-Rakosi smiled gently and managed to kiss his cheek. "I want to trust you, Jehan. I still love you. I just.. don't know how." he sniffled and nuzzled on Peanut again. ".. you know.. i saw this show on TV where people go on these dates and things to get to know each other, but this one guy like picks the ones he likes and votes people off... i know there isn't that many of you.. but can we do things like that.. without the voting off?"
Jehan blinked a few times and then slowly smiled . He seemed to consider and then carefully disentangled himself from Bink to stand and offer him a proper 18th centry bow with tip of invisible hat," My dear Mister James Binks-Rakosi, Would you do me the honor of acconpaning me on a date tomorrow evening?
James Binks-Rakosi sat back and blinked up at jehan and his... bowing antics. "Did you.... jsut tip your hat at me? you're not even wearing a hat, jehan!" he giggled and blushed and looked down to Peanut. "What do you think Peanut? should I accept this nice gentleman's request?" He held hr out and she flopped in his hands. His left ears flicked as he considered her reactions intently. then nodding he rested her into his lap. "I think that is acceptable, Mr. Jehan Rakosi."
Jehan looked up at his own hair and chuckled," I havn't worn a hat in a long time but I will dress up for you," he started to flop near him again and paused with another blink," say... we haven't gone on our first date yet. Is it still ok if I cuddle you till dawn?
James Binks-Rakosi blushed softly, " um.... I don't know." he sighed out and looked down at Peanut. "I can't remember our real first date... does this mean I have to dress up too... i still am having difficulty figuring out what to wear."
Jehan smiled and shook his head as she did settle next to him . " Its aboput learning each other and learning ourselves yes? dressing up might be a bit too much at first. I think we do know enough to not have to do the super awkward first date . At least I know things like you don't like rare meat and that sort of thing . And you know that ...well I have a limited menu. So... how about I will snuggle you and we can relax and then if it gets uncomfortable it ok to say no. " leaning close he gave a little kiss on a cheek and then held out arms to offer to pull him close.
James Binks-Rakosi nodded gently and curled right into those outstretched arms. It was the way he always curled into them, his way.. the right way. "ok... I.. I think I can manage that." He smiled gently and kissed at Peanut's head. she was still in his rmas. He needed her for support, but he also needed to be held. "..Jehan... " he spoke softly as he shut his eyes. "If I start making scared sounds in my sleep.. you promsie to sing to me..?"
Jehan wrapped him gently close and nuzzled into his hair," for as long into the day as I can. Every heartbeat past the dawn is precious to me . As is everyone in the night as well . . Rest my love.”
Jehan made his way back up the stairs quietly . No messages at Prick tonight. No other pressing business except the flashing email he was trying to ignore . He paused hearing Bink's sudden outburst . Brow furrowed lightly and he laid a hand on the stairs railing a moment as he considered what was said in light of recent events ." Bink..." the name was whispered softly before he moved over to his side and dropped the small bag of gumdrops as he moved to try and hug him," Bink my heart. you are not broken. you didnt hurt anyone. How can you feel you were wrong? I forced you there .
James Binks-Rakosi hadn't even realized Jehan was there until he was gathered in teh vampires arms. He sniffled loudly and wiped his eyes with his pajama sleeve. "it's not fair! You need to wear bells cause.. you don't breathe or anything!" he tried to laugh but it came out more sobbish. Still there was a half a smile. "... I should have said something! I could have said no. I could have asked to go elsewhere and wait! But I just stodo there and did nothing. I stayed and was part of it... I don't want to be evil, Jehan. I don't want to be liek Morion." He sobbed softly. "I don't want you too either. I want to live! I... I promised you I would live for you.. but I.. it's hard..."
Jehan sighed softly and nuzzled at Bink for a long moment before he lifted his head to offer a faint smile," you , beloved..could never be like Morion. He would never do such things out of a missguided attempt to help someone as I did. I mean .. I know it was wrong of me to take you with me. I should have realised when you retreated emotionally and shut yourself down how bad I was hurting you .
James Binks-Rakosi nuzzled into Jehan's shoulder. ".. I'm sorry I didn't speak... i'm sorry... i'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you.. I'm sorry.. i get sick... I'm sorry I'm not human...." he was crying and clinging to Jehan's arm, his ears curlign about his own head as best they could.
Jehan kissed lightly across Bink's face and nuzzled at the tears," Silly Bink. You are what I want . You are great. I love you for being you . and.. jsut because you are not human does not mean you are any less you .
James Binks-Rakosi sniffled as he was kissed and pouted his lower lip out a bit, "Yet you still have to go and please others to help yourself. I.. i'm not enough for you. I can understand that... respect it even, but...I.. I'm not sure if I like it. and not knowing how I feel bothers me even more. I still think I'm broken Jehan... I've never been fixed. I don't think I ever will be."
Jehan licked at that pouty lip. IT was not too safe for him to nip at it not right this moment at least. " Bink...it is ok not to like such things. That is having feelings. ITs like.. how possessive of you I am myself. You can look at yourself as broken...or as a clean slate. Not many get a chance to start over and be aware enough to make themselves how they want to be. You can sit there and try to let me shape you into my own little doll . and you will pretend you are happy till you fall apart worse. or we can work together to keep you where what makes you feel right. not always happy ..but right. Maybe I can never have that bond with you that a human servant has..but Bink...way I see it.. you are more and more fae, yes? That makes it more and more likely you are immortal. I don't have to worry that I will lose you to time alone. We have time
James Binks-Rakosi sniffled, " even if you get some animal that can hear and feel you more than I ever can... or another human... you still think jsut knowing I'll love forever is enough for us?" he clung to Peanut and shook his head lightly, " I know how you always wanted soemthing liek Morion and Azzy had, Jehan. Its one of your oldest dreams. You wanted me to be that, and I can't.. I jsut can't. I let your dream down... and I'll be the one suffering for it when someone else comes along to make your dream happen for you...."
Jehan ran figners through his hair gently and studied him," Bink I chose you . I chose you as surely as any can choose someone. I am here for you and I wont do anything to hurt you like I did again. I will pay better attention to that so that you never have to see such a thing . Besides..and jsut to reassure you ... There isnt anything that has told us what we cannot have yet. I can tell you a secret ..." he thought for a long moment then smiled crookedly," There was a fae..that had Morion convinced he was his human servant..for centuries.Now it was done in trickery somehow..but ..I think that it also shows that there is some sort of way that it can be for real. IF that is what we want.
James Binks-Rakosi he sniffled but he lifted his head and gave a weak smile to jehan. "You really believe that?" His smile broadened. It sounded too far fetched, but he knew it was meant to make him smile and he did have faith in Jehan, even if he doubted himself in that. "I'm not sure... I can believe that... but... " he laughed sadly and lowered his head, " I wanted to say 'but I trust you', but I think I'll be lying. I don't know anymore. are you -sure- I'm not broken?"
Jehan thought for a long moment but he nodded," yes I do believe in it and I do believe in you . I know I broke your trust. and trust is the ahrdest thing to earn. Because it should be earned not jsut given. and you know..I think it is a good thing that you can stop yourself from saying something till your really know if it is true. Truth is important to you .
James Binks-Rakosi smiled gently and managed to kiss his cheek. "I want to trust you, Jehan. I still love you. I just.. don't know how." he sniffled and nuzzled on Peanut again. ".. you know.. i saw this show on TV where people go on these dates and things to get to know each other, but this one guy like picks the ones he likes and votes people off... i know there isn't that many of you.. but can we do things like that.. without the voting off?"
Jehan blinked a few times and then slowly smiled . He seemed to consider and then carefully disentangled himself from Bink to stand and offer him a proper 18th centry bow with tip of invisible hat," My dear Mister James Binks-Rakosi, Would you do me the honor of acconpaning me on a date tomorrow evening?
James Binks-Rakosi sat back and blinked up at jehan and his... bowing antics. "Did you.... jsut tip your hat at me? you're not even wearing a hat, jehan!" he giggled and blushed and looked down to Peanut. "What do you think Peanut? should I accept this nice gentleman's request?" He held hr out and she flopped in his hands. His left ears flicked as he considered her reactions intently. then nodding he rested her into his lap. "I think that is acceptable, Mr. Jehan Rakosi."
Jehan looked up at his own hair and chuckled," I havn't worn a hat in a long time but I will dress up for you," he started to flop near him again and paused with another blink," say... we haven't gone on our first date yet. Is it still ok if I cuddle you till dawn?
James Binks-Rakosi blushed softly, " um.... I don't know." he sighed out and looked down at Peanut. "I can't remember our real first date... does this mean I have to dress up too... i still am having difficulty figuring out what to wear."
Jehan smiled and shook his head as she did settle next to him . " Its aboput learning each other and learning ourselves yes? dressing up might be a bit too much at first. I think we do know enough to not have to do the super awkward first date . At least I know things like you don't like rare meat and that sort of thing . And you know that ...well I have a limited menu. So... how about I will snuggle you and we can relax and then if it gets uncomfortable it ok to say no. " leaning close he gave a little kiss on a cheek and then held out arms to offer to pull him close.
James Binks-Rakosi nodded gently and curled right into those outstretched arms. It was the way he always curled into them, his way.. the right way. "ok... I.. I think I can manage that." He smiled gently and kissed at Peanut's head. she was still in his rmas. He needed her for support, but he also needed to be held. "..Jehan... " he spoke softly as he shut his eyes. "If I start making scared sounds in my sleep.. you promsie to sing to me..?"
Jehan wrapped him gently close and nuzzled into his hair," for as long into the day as I can. Every heartbeat past the dawn is precious to me . As is everyone in the night as well . . Rest my love.”